Feeling better

 So, the last post I wrote how I didn't feel like creating. All of the changes, the loss of safety substituting and feeling depressed about the whole covid situation, left me feeling shocked and out of sorts. I really don't know how people did it, created art, kept doing their jobs, etc. A part of me was in shock for about a month and I felt like every news I heard was shocking and overwhelming. Then, we had summer. The kids were off, I wasn't stressed from having to keep my son on task and sad about all the missed events (5th grade graduation, trips, senior year for my daughter, canceled trips for her and just a series of disappointments but nothing life threatening). And that was another factor, you'd feel a bit better or forget there was mass suffering worldwide and instantly feel badly for forgetting. I began to wonder about how so much was happening and what would happen, eventually for the health of many. Plus, there was the constant carrot of a vaccine waved in our faces and we all were hopeful and then have that dashed. My one hope was having Bernie Sanders become president but that was dashed with fears of his health and covid at any corner. 

After more disappointments, summer seemed to drag on until something changed. We bought some baby chicks. Suddenly, these little life forms caught our hearts and we all began to focus on their survival (and whether or not they were hens or roosters). It was a light in darkness and we waste a small sum of money breaking heat lamps and worrying they would get cold during the night. They grew and flourished and now we have had a wonderful surprise of eggs. Jon went crazy and built the biggest chicken coop and we all got into the spirit and painted the coop. This led us to paint our fence and put up a picket fence, which we painted as well. The outside felt good, even in the summer humidity and heat. We got our stimulus and helped to pay for this as well as a small amount of unemployment I got for job loss. So, this all helped.

Then, tensions arose again, and people began to lash out at brutality. I decided to paint my fence with flowers an inspirational quotes. It helped me feel grounded and hopefully, in unity, to justice. I got our kids to help and we had a good time with this as well. Then, school started up and we decided to stick with academy school. This was a bit of a let down as they took away extracurricular activities. So, we made up by doing more day trips to trails, gardening and projects. The other disappointment was the insecurity of substituting and low pay. I wanted to work more but possible exposure and low/no security health/money wise, meant it was not a good idea. I've been applying for cyber teaching but so has everyone else. Then, there is the whole stalling of the second stimulus and this made us all worry for everyone, again. 

(deer photo I took, they were just sitting in a field. I used a long lens otherwise, they would have run. I know other's can take much better shots, but I feel pretty proud I got this one). I was going to add a photo of school work, but a deer if much nicer..

Phew~ Good things. I found about marathons and especially, virtual marathons. I had never thought of my self as a runner or even a serious walker, but here I was signing up. The one I went with is 100 miles by the end of the year and I get a medal. I really like this because the medal looks like the Mona Lisa but is the Corona Lisa! I also found out there are 5k and want to get my kids and husband on this track. You get a medal and it's fun. I use my rebounder as it's challenging and I can be inside and watch out for allergies. If you feel you need some encouragement to get moving, I highly recommend this. They have all levels and it really makes you feel good. I'm up to 33 miles and I'm looking for my next marathon to try. 

Additionally, I'm watching k-dramas (my mom really got me into some scary ones as well...love the zombie ones of all things) and animal crossing. Do you know any good kdramas you'd like to share? Let me know. Animal crossing, is a big hit, for me, of all things. I never play video games and just fell in love with the sweet characters and island theme. It was refreshing and uplifting. We got the kids the game and I ended up loving it. lol

Finally, after all of this, I started to feel like doing art and make things, again. I began to revise a children's book I started and illustrate more of the pages. My goal was to finish by November, but it may be longer. The nice thing is, once I finish this one, I have some ideas for my next one. I also joined an art group (sadly, it closed) that would give us challenges. Mostly, Halloween based, it was fun to try them and got me out of my funk.

Additionally, we donated many things to make more space for the kids. Our eldest moved into the attic and we had to clear a lot of junk (it was the attic after all) and then, the garage. So, more changes but good ones. Cleaning is a type of therapy, I think. Within reason, of course. I have relatives who go a little OCD on that stuff. My poor mom had to grow up with her grandma who'd freak out about cleaning (she'd even wear white gloves and check the top of the fridge!). I'm more of a once a week time to scrub person or as needed. 

Anyway, I also think it's so important to help others. If you have a charity or group or person, help them. This will make you feel better and lifts up someone else. It is a true chain event. My two cents about feeling better.

With all this time with the family, we've bonded closer, I think. Surely, we need our own spaces and the elder two having their own rooms, really helped. It was a big relief, for them, to have their own spaces and not be under each other's skin. They still get into arguments but it's much less then it used to be. Oddly, having them at home has relieved stress about violence at school and other stress factors. It's frustrating we can't be more social and we recently lost a family friend (from a stroke). We couldn't attend the memorial as it was a covid issue. So, that was depressing. We, like many, have missed those family connections. 

My feeling is we all need to hang in there and keep doing distancing. We need to have a government that works for the people and keeps people safe. We shall see what happens in November. Well, I think this sums up a little of what has been happening. I wish I could go back to school and go into therapy, I think. More people will need this and we all need to a way to express ourselves. Anyway, be safe and carry on.  💖 


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