when will I feel like creating art.

right now, it's a bit of a muddle with anxiety about health, income and family stresses working their way in. I did not think I would be revisiting homeschooling the kids at this point. It's bizarre and a bit unsettling. My patience is thin and frazzled. I hate feeling like this. Sometimes, it's better. Some days it's better. I don't feel as overwhelmed with having to worry about going places, I guess. I've more control in this regards because of my own health awareness. But, to have everything flipped upside down when you were starting to come in strong to 2020. I know many, many others feel the same and some are in much worse situations. The death and suffering feels so overwhelming. I can't watch any TV/listen to any news. I couldn't when there were so many other sorrowful things over the years and now, it's even worse. 

 This is why I can't really create, I think. I focus on making food, keeping the house as clean as it will be, homeschooling my son, trying not to worry about family and friends and the idea of doing more just seems like that, more. Besides which the weather has been up and down... warm and than snowy the next day. It bothers my arthritis in my hands and shoulders. I think about my mom and her arthritis she has and wonder if I'll be the same. It's frustrating but that's life. We all have something we carry. 

I need to start making masks again. This gave me purpose and made me feel in control of a maddening situation. I will set my self up, and just do it. I need to stop going to bed late and get on a schedule. I need to stop staying up so late. My sleep patterns is messed up from taking naps. I'm feeling depressed right now but I will get out of it. 

The selfish part of me is my introverted self being happy at home. And then, there the part of me that's like, ok, this is enough, let's got out...but we can't. :( No one can...and even if we could, it would be laced by fear of illness. Tomorrow, I will put on some just dance and exercise. I sprained my ankle and will have to get my self moving. I read some where that every time we feel down/depressed, this is your body telling you to move. I'm really going to get into that mindset. Be well and safe.   


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