tough day

Jim Dimov or Dad

It's another hard time when you are going through Father's day and your dad is not here any more. I guess it's worst when it's the 1st one. It's painful and makes things feel sluggish. I felt like just laying in bed and not going any where. I felt bitter and jealous that it was birthdays, celebrations of Father's and me just thinking of my dad being gone and a wave of pity for my self would threaten tears and refusal to do anything. In my mind, it felt like the right thing to do and though I would like to turn off the world or pause it or mute it at the very least, that isn't the way of life. So, now I'm writing out how i feel. A part of me doesn't really care what anyone thinks or feels. All I know is how I feel.  It's like a tightness that comes over you, over your throat and heart and usually means I want to cry. Holidays like these, are just so awful and so good. If that makes any sense.

A part of me would like to lash out at everyone and scream, and another part of me would just like to be left alone and just remember. So, I will share some of the things I remember about dad.

1. He was the most religious and devout Christian I have every known
2. He was funny and would tell silly jokes to make us laugh
3. He loved pigeons and birds.
4. Hated cats
5. Tolerated dogs
6. Loved to read the bible
7. LOVED to argue
8. Pigheaded and stubborn
9. loved old things and liked to hoard
10. curious about everything
11.  Loved classical music and especially Mozart
12. worked hard to take care of us
13. over protected us
14. Spoiled us with any other critter we could want (but not cats or dogs...had a fear of disease)
15. Had a sweet tooth (snickers)
16. Messy as hell
17. Vain
18. Tough and scary at times
19. Loved to tell stories
20. Wore the most disgusting sweaters which he could pull off for some reason.
21. Just an amazing person, knew 3-4 languages
22. Smart and witty and just brilliant at times.
23. could build almost anything
24. loved trees
25. loves nature and life
26. loved us and almost always saw us as his children.
27. flawed as everyone is.
28. Had mad ideas about becoming a governor
29. Didn't listen to his family
30. wanted to be superman
31. Loving
32. In his own world
33.Conflicted
34.A dreamer of dreams


And there are more things but I thought I'd leave it at that for now. I started to remember when he would trim wood for a project and get this huge amount of sawdust. I loved holding it my hand and feeling the dry pine in my hands, smelling the clean freshness of cut wood and watching my dad work. He was amazing to me and still is.