Friday, June 29, 2012

Hot day and warm cars

Had to do an number of things today...pay mortgage, mail boxes, zip over to the market, and home again...with 3 kids. By the time we got everything done, only an hour and half, it was past noon and hot, hot, hot. My middle kiddo kept saying her tummy was yucky but the temptation for Pringles chips overwhelmed her good sense and she ended up throwing up in the back of the car.

The good thing about all of this is, I didn't lose my cool and I figured out how to drop the seats down and be able to clean up everything really well. It was so hot, I don't blame her for not feeling great.

In addition to all of this, we've been royally clutzy of late. Falling down, skinning knees and hands, bumping and scraping on things. Maybe everyone is going through a growth spurt or something because you have to give them a 3 foot range of space or watch out. Poor Jon got stepped on 3 times and the youngest one figured out how to head bump me several times. Geesh.

We've been researching polymore clay and want to try that soon. I have no idea how to do it but I do have some packets I got a while back. Give it a try and see what happens.

I need to talk to my mom and see how things are going.  I hope people are spoiling her and that is why I haven't gotten through to her. We shall see.

I actually bought some diet root beer...it's pretty good and I hope not as bad as coke. I have no idea. Wish I had picked up vanilla ice cream now. Oh, well...

Have a great weekend. Stay cool and leave water out of the critters if it's hot were you are. I need to make some bird baths too.


Thursday, June 28, 2012

Some new work I have up on zazzle. :) Available on canvas board, postcards and cards.
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” Anais Nin

How true this is...it makes me sad for many reasons. When people just give up and would rather factor in the costs of things...or worse, when a person hasn't dealt with issues and just run away/pushed away their feelings/memories and have not been accountable for actions or lack of action.

Does distance make one stronger or weaker? Does it matter? I always thought that love transcends these things. I still believe that. I know, for some, this is not the case. And I pity them...pity them more than I can express.

I am thankful and grateful for my life and family. When Jon and I were married our minister read this:

Sonnet 116
(Let Me Not to the Marriage of True Minds)
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.[1]

I feel the same way for him. I feel this for my family and friends as well. I feel sad when it isn't reciprocated by some long distance family, and, in fact, deliberately forgotten.This sonnet is how I know my mother loves my father and will do anything and all she can for him. That is love.

calm for a moment

The kids are about 80% better. Tummies still not 100% and feeling tired and not their usual upbeat, silly selves. To be expected, I'm sure.

 Glad things are calming down.

Talked to my mom and we vented a bit. So glad we have a good connection and communicate well. I'm also so, so proud of my mom being strong for my dad and doing her best. I love her and all that she does.

Monday, June 25, 2012

from our wedding, 12 years ago

Tired

It feels like we are continue to go through one illness or another. Poor Harrison has really bad  rash. He's just been down lately from this and I'm trying to keep him comfortable...which isn't easy when you're a little guy and in pain. I was worried this morning because his eyes looked hollow. But he drank and kept liquids down. I tried to make homemade pedialyte and it was just horrible. I don't know why people put this recipe on-line...maybe if you are truly desperate but it was disgusting (I drank some to test). Even after I watered it down & added more sugar...still terrible. Just buy the stuff from the market. I feel sorry for the kids who have to drink this especially when ill. I won't name blogs/websites but if you read anything that says 1 tablespoon of salt and 3 tablespoons of sugar, it is awful. Not everything has to be homemade.

Thankfully, Harry loves chicken noodle soup. So, we had that...salts/liquids and all the right balances. He was content and fell asleep in the highchair. When I put him down, he muttered in his sleep...hurt. I felt so sad. :( I hope he wakes up feeling better.

I'm so sad for my blogger friend, Viv. Praying for her family.

Our weather is being odd...had a heat wave for a week and now, it's going to be 49 degrees tonight. So strange.

We're getting caught up on cleaning...we had a bug infestation and it's obviously not a serious matter in regards to life's mysteries.  It, more or less, gave me some insight to how it feels to be isolated, quarantined and that some people are especially paranoid and don't care how they make others feel. Such is life. I'm afraid to think what a really serious issue might create behavior wise. It did, however, make me feel better about my church and that people have gone through similar things. :) So, this was a comfort.

In other news, my dad was doing better...found out he has 3 years to live (without treatment, 5 yrs with). However, he has a serious heart infection as well as an intestinal infection (caused by too many antibiotics). Hoping all is well as my mom was really tired/feeling down the last time I talked to her. I just hope she's getting rest.

A problem, I've noticed with some doctors, is my dad can't communicate easily because of the strokes and being on so many meds. Factor in that English is his second language and he often slips into Bulgarian when stressed, people write him off. I told my mom this is probably why a lot of people are negative about treatment but it has more to do with his having issues with communication and not the cancer. It's frustrating because he can't talk...and believe me, he LOVES to talk (I remember him falling asleep on the phone because he was chatting for 3 hrs at a time!). So, I know this is so hard and I'm so, so thankful and grateful for my mom and her being so strong for my dad and a good advocate for him. It's so frustrating and maddening because so much of this is because he lost his communication skills from the fall. Just praying, praying that people have patience and kindness to my sweet stubborn dad.





Sunday, June 24, 2012

writing part 2

I was reading one of my favorite authors, L. M. Montgomery and she brought up the subject of being honest in your writing. Honesty, truthful or at least trying to discover the truth by writing, is an interesting and valid discussion. 

What makes writing honest and truthful? Is it simply jotting down what one feels? Is it being reflective and open to change in our perspective? I don't have the answer to this. All I know is I do trust my self, I don't call people names (at least not publicly...lol), and I try to hand write my feelings out first before putting my blog out there. Sometimes, I miss my mark and go into a vent of anger or disappointment, but then, I am only human. If I were a robot, I would be either too cold or have a meltdown from all the emotional chaos. :)

When Ms. Montgomery wrote about writing and being honest, it wasn't just about the facts such as someone going to the market, flowers being planted, etc. She was talking about listening to both sides and wondering why people behave in certain ways. Why do people do certain things. Sometimes it's easy to understand...a person is on a diet and decided not to eat after 6pm = don't start any conversation with them during this time or watch out! A person is ill for a number of months = be extra patient and kind to them because they are worn out. That sort of thing. Other times, we may never know why people act certain ways (mental illness, fears, etc).

I have my flaws, certainly. I've written about them on here before and I'm working on them. I stand by what I've written, even in my ignorance or stubbornness. I'd rather share my feelings because I don't think I'm the only one who feels these things as well. By writing my experiences here, I hope to understand things better and in the end understand my self better.

Happy Birthday to my niece. :)

Someone is having their sweet 16 today. :) I hope it's filled with love and fun. Wish I could be there.

Untitled

Friday, June 22, 2012

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

MIKA - Relax, Take It Easy (New Version)

Some good news, we found out that dad has at least 3 years to live and with treatment, 5 years. Feel like a large stress has been whittled down. Embracing the time we do have with our daddy.


Homemade Popsicles!

It's officially summer and what a way to start! It's not even noon and it's 80 degrees. Yes, I know it's not as hot as some places...100, no thank you. We also have humidity which makes normal breathing a factor. Maybe I should have a cooler outside with bottles of ice water for the mailman? Poor thing. And Jon wants to mow today....hopefully, after 8pm.

Anyway, here are some popsicle recipes. enjoy!

writing

I've had several people ask me why I write a blog. Why share your thoughts & feelings to the world? Or else, some people will say don't write about me or how dare you even mention me vaguely.

First, I write to understand a situation or my feelings. Once I see what I feel and understand most of it, I can move past those feelings and not let them overwhelm me. Even my dad didn't want me to share things about him because he was afraid of what other people think (mostly family). It made me sad to know he didn't understand why I wrote. But when I talked to him, I understood why he felt this way. A lot of people still have this mentality that good people have good things happen to them. Bad people have bad things happen to them. This is totally untrue and makes me very sad there is this naive perspective still going around.

This is what the Book of Job totally dismissed. Bad things happen to everyone regardless of their being a good person or bad. Job is an extremely righteous man and wants to the right thing in God's eye. The story shows us that though things and people are taken from us, God is beyond all of this and we need to realize this. For me, it's saying that God or Love is beyond all the trials we have in this world that is full of suffering and to keep focusing on Love especially in our worst times.

So, when I write it's to understand things and people. Sometimes, people do things that surprise me and I want to know why. I'm not writing to pick on them or portray people in a negative light...I'm genuinely trying to understand why someone behaved a certain way. Maybe questioning shows my ignorance, more than anything. Isn't it better to question than to accept things and not wonder why? Anyway, it's hard not to step on toes if you're trying to understand people in your life.

Obviously, this is just my opinion. Nothing is set in stone. People can respond back, etc. My intention isn't to cause controversy but to understand things in a better way. That's why this is my little journal and perspective. Yes, I know it's open to discussion and criticism; that's part of writing publicly.

Anyway, I've got the flu and if this sounds sort of jumbled, this is most likely why. I'd like to take a nap but with sick kids and a 3yr old running around, it's not going to happen. Have a good Wednesday.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Good Father's Day

As you might imagine, I was missing my dad on Father's Day...being in Pennsylvania and him being in the hospital in California...not easy. The good thing is a lot of loving people visited him, prayed and spent time with him. He actually communicated, saying "Amen" after the prayer. They were all surprised and he tried to talk and say some things but became frustrated and cried. everyone was crying. My brother said we need to get him speech therapy so, I hope this is a possibility.

When we found out dad has bone cancer everywhere, it was very discouraging. I started to feel hopeless especially because he didn't seem to be there and was in so much pain. But since the doctors have him on stronger antibiotics for his heart infection, he actually is responding, communicating and in less discomfort. I'm so happy about this. It gave me a sense that not everything is lost and perhaps, dad can be here for a little longer.

For my little family, we seem to have week after week of annoying things happening. Last week, it was Mr. Nelson being ill, throwing up, etc, etc and finally feeling better. I really thought he wasn't going to make it but the vet was confident and correct in her diagnosis of him. Then, this week we have a bug issue on the kids. The itchy kind that everyone turns their noses up to. Well, we've got them and have been cleaning like crazy. Of course, I'm feeling itchy just writing about all of this. So annoying! I guess it's about being social with kid and all that.

Vacation Bible School is in full swing. The kids are enjoying this. Today was so gloomy and we needed to get out. Usually a walk makes me feel good but I just felt even sadder. I really think we got used to the sunny days! :)

I've been painting, finally. Put some new things up on Zazzle. Some cute Guinea pig Tee-shirts of summer. I'll have some for each holiday...little by little I'll add them on. Probably will make a calender for next yr with the images. :)


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Keep my dad in your prayers

He's still in the hospital. We're praying he is in less pain and under control. We're afraid he is going to have to go to a convalescent hospital...too much noise. It's understandable. We know that it won't be a repeat of the horrible experience at the other nursing home because of many factors and because we all care. Just praying we are all patient with each other. I think this is the biggest part of it all. I think I was angry at my sis but I'm not so much now. Mostly tired of everything. I know God has everything and everyone in his hands and this is a comfort.


Have a good evenings. Peace and love to all~

Yiruma - Kiss the Rain + Rainy Mood [HD]

annoying

I had written another blog but it seems to be lost. I talked to my mom and he's in the hospital. The situation was partially brought on because my dad's arm was hurting him and because he is very loud. The apartment manager gave my mom 3 warnings about his moaning/pain noises and less then a week to change everything. She finally got the meds and my sister rushed them off to the hospital because she felt it was the thing to do. They had 30 days to get things resolved but some people weren't patient and now, my mom is all upset and rushed. I don't know what to do but keep praying and hope things change/calm down.

The sad thing is we all thought moving to this apartment would be better for mom and dad...but now we know it wasn't and just made more problems on several levels. I also now know how people respond in times of stress and let me just say, it's not pretty. :(

Deep breath. Things will be better. I trust that a lot of things will get resolved and I trust that this situation is temporary. My mom was very worried about the convalescent issue...the terrible experience they had the first time...and I know this time will be better because dad has a feeding tube, etc. So, it will be all right.

I'm exhausted about all of this and have a sore neck from stress. I know things will be better soon. I just wish people were patient and more understanding.

Dad's in the hospital

My dad was admitted to the ER, again. I'm hoping everything is going all right as it's a new hospital. I feel sad everything is going upside down with the new city my mom and dad are in. I hope things calm down and things can get stable. Praying that everything will work out. Most likely he needs a blood transfusion and some sort of arm brace (his parallyzed arm is sevearly sprained). I'm hopeful and grateful my mom is there to do so much.

Went to bed too late last night. Got to make sure to go to bed early. That's my new motto. I actually watched a TV called "Futurama". They have new episodes on Comedy Central and kept showing connecting episodes...after the 3rd one, I lost interest. Annoying. I used to really like that show but now, it's just fun if you have someone else to watch it with and see their reaction. I hate watching TV or a movie alone. So boring and extra lonely. Jon was taking out the trash while I crashed with the dogs.

The good news is Mr. Nelson is back to his normal eating and habits. I'm so happy about this as he was really looking/feeling awful. A dog can really show they are not 100%. He's still grumpy when he has to go out the door in the morning but after he gets some sunshine or if I got out with them, he perks up. Penny was sick about 2 months ago and I wonder if it was some sort of doggie flu? Or just that they ate something not good. Either way, both are doing good and I'm happy.

We've been going on walks w/out the pups and it feels sort of strange and empty. Glad they are feeling better and going to be ready for walkies. Mr. Nelson lost at least 3 pounds...feels skinny. Poor guy.

I feel like things are getting back to normal. We have a new router for the computer (last one totally broke) and we should be able to print and use netflix again. Little by little.

Today is definitely a 2 coffee cup sort of day.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Gorgeous Day

I wish my camera batteries hadn't died and I could photograph this moment. The sun is shining, the humidity is gone and everything looks and feels fresh. I'm very happy for this moment...to be with my children and helping them learn some new things, folding the clean laundry and Mr. Nelson is feeling better and nearly back to his perky self. :) Grateful for all of these homey comforts.

My middle daughter just ran by asking for the bug vacuum. She has found a carpenter ant to observe. I love this about her. My eldest is so funny with being a mother hen and yet, wanting her own space and likes to argue with me. :) It's interesting and fun to see them interact and mature.

My youngest is mopping the floor and most likely imitating me. I guess I've been puttering around the house. I love days like this. I just need my sweet hubby here and all would be well. But work puts food on the table and my sweet man has to do this. Wish he could work from home. Oh, well. :)

I feel optimistic and hopeful about a few different things. I little sad about some relationships but I know God will take care of that. I'm just happy so many good things are happening and I feel like this moment, at least is a blessing.

Also, I got 10 hrs of sleep because I went to bed really early. lol I think this helps tremendously. I might try and make this a habit. Good ol' Ben Franklin had it right.

Jon's birthday is coming up as well as Father's Day. :) I'm grateful that my dad is still here to celebrate Father's Day.

Monday, June 11, 2012

tired

I need to go to bed in a few. Today was such a long, tiring day. Poor Mr. Nelson (our dog) was one sick puppy. Constantly throwing up and terrible dark bm's. The vet said it's normal for a dog to do this and should be better tomorrow. If not, vet time. I'm just all anxious.

The gals said they saw him sneaking into the cat litter...this might be why. We are using a different litter too. So this morning at 4:30 am we were cleaning and scrubbing up all this mess. :(

Then, my youngest had swollen face from the bug bites and a temp. I gave him some children meds and he is 90% better. My poor niece and nephew have some issues and with mouth & foot virus they caught at daycare, so I'm all worried about this as well. Then, to top it off, my mom is having a hard time at their new apartment because of my dad's talking too loud/yelling in pain. I feel bad but we came up with a lot of good ideas and hopefully, this will be all right soon. The annoying thing is the apartments are very thin walled, apparently, because my mom can hear the neighbors as well. How irritating.

Praying for all of this to be resolved. Lack of sleep does not make a person think better, that's for sure. Got into an argument with my sister. Long story short, we need to respect our parents and remember it's okay to have a different POV.

I feel sad that instead of rejoycing that my mom is closer to my sister, my sister is feeling "stressed". I feel bad because I would be so happy to have my mom and dad closer. I could spend time with them and hang out and help. I'm surprised that people are so over extending themselves, for whatever reason, and not having family time. I know time is important but being with people is so important because we're not here for very long. I guess I feel upset that the first conversation I have with my sister in over a few months, is being yelled at by her. :(  And not even for anything I did...just respecting my mom POV.

I have other feelings but I won't share them here. I'll write them out in my journal. sigh~


Sunday, June 10, 2012

Welcome to Summer!

The kids are liberated for the summer and are making plans to do various activities, writing books, creating and having a blast. I'm exhausted at the thought of it all. :) I'm glad they are active and fun.

This weekend was so nice. We didn't really do anything...just hung out, puttered around the house, enjoyed each others company and slowed down a bit. It's nice because we were so rushed and hurried the last few weeks...school, colds, activities and zipping around. We needed some quiet at home time.
100_2123


We went over to aunts house yesterday and the kids caught fireflies. :) Earlier, they played in the yard and went up to the treehouse. The youngest Gottshall was attacked by some bug and his face was all swollen. Now that I think about it, he had ice cream earlier and probably attracted some bug. :( Poor guy.


100_2121 Under the giant Blue Spruce at aunties. You could put a table and chairs and have a tea party under there!







Today, we over slept after coming home about 11pm last night. I guess summer has officially started. There were tons of happy people loitering around last night...it was warm and peaceful. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. I even felt like staying up later and did sewing (don't ask me why) and nodded off at about 1am. It was unusually warm yesterday and we had naps earlier because of this. I love that.

We stayed home instead of going to church and cleaned up all the stuff we put off yesterday...dishes, chores, etc. Daddy and Harry got some bonding at the hardware shop and I got some time to clean my art stuff and organize projects. Thank goodness!

I wish June would last for some time. I love how everything feels so good. Oh, I just realized that it's June 10th. Jon and my official anniversary (we had two weddings). :) How funny. :) We celebrated our law abiding wedding on February 15th. It all has to do with compromising for family...so, now I have two special days. I need to find some photos to share...

Monday, June 04, 2012

Monday Chores

My ears are still not 100% from this head cold...pain and a bit dizzy. I'm going to give it one more day and then go to the doctors. Got up at 4 am and tried to do all the home remedies I could think of...didn't really help.

I did take dayquil and did some chores with that energy. I probably should have rested. However, it was a desperate situation with the fridge literally stinking up the house every time it was opened.ugh!! Now, it is nearly spotless...still, need to clean the door shelves.

We're also having an issue with carpenter ants. I have to find what they are searching for and clean that up too. Do I feel like doing any of this? No. I just want to nap. But I have to get this stuff done and entertain the man cub. I still need to see if we have enough pull ups and what not's or I'm in trouble.

I'm proud that I got the fridge cleaned out and the floor mopped in the kitchen. It was bad. The man cubs feet were gray! Yuck!  Got to do a few more rooms...light mopping.

Looks like more rain is on the way. I feel tired thinking about it. I just hope it's not storming when I pick up the kids. What a wet end of school....

Dad is doing mostly stable. Not needing to go to the hospital, yet. We figure he'll be ready to go by the end of middle of June. It's depressing on several levels. We're trying to be upbeat. The great thing is my mom and dad are closer to my sister, now. I feel like they are protected and safer. Plus, their new apartment is so much nicer then the older complex. They are considerate, mindful and polite. The other complex wouldn't tell them when they turned off the power/water and would take months to get something fixed. So, I'm very glad for them and esp. my mom. :)

Friday, June 01, 2012

storms

So many storms have been happening today. I feel a bit like I've gotten this constant ache in my shoulders, arms and hands from the rain pressure. I finally got to take a nap and woke up from distressing nightmares. Mainly, it dealt with my dad's poor health and when they lost their home the 2nd time. A pile of their stuff was heaped up high and we were little kids trying to find out things. It was an awful feeling. I guess it was because I was watching this film called "the Garbage Warrior" and stopped watching at the lawsuit section. It must have triggered something inside me about my dad. Also, I feel so guilty not going to visit when I thought I would be able. I feel like what if my dad doesn't hold out and I miss getting to see him one last time? I dreamed that my mom put the phone to his ear and he was trying to tell me something but it was garbled but a happy garble...like he was happy to hear from me.

I'm glad my sister and brothers got my mom and dad moved in their new place. I guess I feel like I wish I could have helped with that. I feel exhausted even thinking about it and sad not to be able to help out. I'll keep praying things go well. I just want my dad to start to improve. When he was in the car being driven, his arm handicapped arm (from the stroke) was pulled and swelled up. :( It should be getting better according to the nurse. I hope so.

I hope tomorrow is nice and we can dry out a little. This storm was supposed to have a tornado in it. I don't know about that but we certainly got enough rain.

Sociable

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