Wednesday, March 18, 2015

"Julie" angel

I created this for my mom and dad in law in memory of my sister in law who passed away in January of pancreatic cancer. I need to make one for me too. I miss you, Julie~

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Quote of the day

“Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts.” 

- Rita Mae Brown

Monday, February 23, 2015

cold weather...

The temp dropped about 8 degrees...so it's 4 degrees right now with a -7 wind chill. I don't like this. It was sunny today but, not warm in the least. I forgot and went outside to get the kids after having washed dishes. Did you know that even if your hands are "dry" from doing dishes, they will start to freeze in the air because your skin retains some of the water? It's terribly painful. :(

Also, my tooth is hurting, I'm worried about my son (he has hydrocephalus), I'm depressed about my sister in law passing, sad that we're going to be putting our dog down (Scout, who has organ failure), and it has been cold for with no break in between. yes, I know there is a lot to be thankful for and I am. I feel better venting...and I did do some productive things today. I made a lovely kale soup and a turkey tortilla casserole which everyone liked. This is amazing!  So, in that regard I'm really so pleased.

I feel like my relationship with my kids is growing and getting better (HUGE blessing) and even if I'm stuck in the house there are garden supplies to be bought, things to do and plan and most of feeling like I can get things done little by little.

I would love to have a roaring fire going but looks like the firewood people are all used up and they have not been returning calls. :( Oh, well...

On a smaller note, I made the famous crayon lip gloss (with coconut oil) and love it! Really worked well for me. I also made a lip scrub and coconut oil/bess wax lotion. They say the best time to use it is after you've showered. So, I'll do that and especially after doing the dishes.

Otherwise, I've been doing my art and have some new things to sell/share. I just wish I didn't feel so tired mentally. I know it's 80% the cold and feeling down and eventually, things will get better. Stuff really sucks when loved ones have suffered so much and leave you. I hope to make new friends, strengthen older relationships and learn new things in this little life we have. That's really all I can hope for...and hopefully, make this world a little better. I just really wish I didn't have aching joints from the cold. lol Tea and cozy time, I think.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Death is Inescapable

Creating positive change

My sister in law, Julie, passed away on the 11th of Jan 2015. It's less than 2 weeks. My overwhelming feeling was to just get up and move. As in move to a different part of the country/world. I guess that's normal to feel. You just feel like you want to dump everything that isn't important and go some where less painful...at least I do/did. I'm starting to calm down a little and the thought of her being gone but not gone in our hearts is easing a bit.

For some reason, watching crafting videos made things feel better as did making stuff. It is also so good to talk to good friends and have warm hugs from caring people. In this regard, I'm very grateful for this sorrow. But it is sorrow and knowing and naming it this, helps. I just wish it would warm up and not be 10 degrees or so for weeks on end.

Creating positive change comes with realization that things don't need to be so dark even in death. It doesn't take away the loss or hide it or make it less painful but embraces it and allows the waves of sorrow to come and go. No one is alone in their sorrow. We have all felt it from the very beginning of existence. I watched my favorite speaker, Leo Buscaglia. He said it best when he said, I'm not afraid of death, anymore. I use it as a reminder that I have limited time to do what I want and to get moving... Yes, it's that easy. We are all going to leave this earth, some day. Hopefully, not for a long time but we all do. I'd rather carry on and know that my loved ones who are gone, are with me, free of pain and encouraging us to do better. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

In loving memory...

 

Julie Angel
 







I made this for my mother in law in honor of our Julie who passed away from pancreatic cancer.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I hate cancer

I fucking hate it. (sorry for the use of bad language, but I'm really not...just really upset...I'd use fracking but not too many would know it is much work than the old "f" word). It's a horrible disease that robs every single person in the world of joy and light. We lost my sister in law, my only big sister, to pancreatic cancer this weekend. It was way too soon and it was horrible. It makes me angry that this is not being cured and upset that people are in such pain. That is the worst part....the pain.

When I think of all the people I've lost most of them are from cancer...few, sadly, are old age. I've talked with my mom about it and I've read about how the cells start to mutate and attack themselves for whatever reason. I just wish, wish wish, there was a cure or at least a way to turn around the cell thinking into repair mode. Maybe some day in the future.

Right now, a heavy weight is on our hearts and minds. Life continues but in the quiet moments, after the hustle and bustle, we have time to mourn our dear sister, Julie Gottshall. She was so quiet and shy and reclusive. She was probably want to slap my hand for even writing her name above. That's why I couldn't write about it often...she would have hated it and resented me for adding her to the pages of my blog/FB or what ever. She wrote a book under a pseudonym, Sally Ann Malec and we published it for her...I want to change the cover and add her name, properly. It was her baby and her life. I feel sad that all her dreams, she wanted to write more books and stories, are gone with her. She said she stored them in her head...at least we have her book and in digital format (thanks to her dad). Which is more than a lot of people can say, including my self.

Feisty and unnerving at times and laced with honey, she could be a handful when her mask of quiet melted away. It's all good. Just really stinks and suck that this happened so quickly...I wouldn't want her to suffer longer but how I wish she didn't have this and would have lived to an old age instead of 54. Seems so young. Oddly, she lived just one year shy of 55, the same age her beloved author, Louisa May Alcott passed away. Strangely similar. I'll miss you Julie and try to do right by you and our artistic capabilities. <3 p="">
 

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