Mood vs. Intention

So, I decided to start writing again. It's a warm summer afternoon and the thought of how we, how I, create floated as a thought that many people probably have. Do you create with intention or when the mood strikes you? For years, I think I was a when the mood strikes me. It's a cathartic moment when I am creating and I will "vent" my feelings or ideas get expressed and then move on. There's nothing wrong with this but I do feel it can be a fickle friend. In other words, I am left with no structure and things can start to overlap/slide if I am not in an "artistic" mood. So, I began to question. what it is that gets me to create, that isn't left to my whims. A time frame is always good a good place to start. For me, it needs to be in the guide of 15 minutes to start. If I do this, it gives me a jumping off point. If I have the time, to extend this, that's wonderful. But having a basic 15 minutes, is crucial to doing some sort of art or to finish some art projects.

Additionally, I've come to the realization I might have ADHD. I have been reading about this and especially as a parent and teacher and to my surprise, I have a lot of those tendencies. I was talking to my mom and she admitted to this herself...which I shouldn't be surprised but still was. I had always thought this was a physical trait of hyperactive physical actions. I have had friends with hyperactivity and students as well. But I didn't realize this was a mental hyperactivity. This, again, surprised me and explained a lot as well. It also made me feel better about why I am the way I am and why finishing projects is a challenge for me. I also see why I so love starting projects! I think what this means is, I need to be aware of this and be open about it. I also need to focus on chunking my time and breaking things down into pieces. This really is helpful for me. For example, just putting out the supplies to start a project, helps me feel excited the next day and not overwhelmed by the project. I have a designated space for my art practice but have let that get messy. So, I have to do 15 minutes of prep to get some order and then I can start to play/create. The more I prep/clear out, the better and freeing it will be...that is what I tell myself to keep up the energy.

For a long time, I beat my self up and put my self down. This is abusive and only creates self doubt/fear and more stagnation. So, what I do is tell my self good things like you can do it, just clear out for 15 min with a timer, look at the progress you've made and so on. Being positive and seeing how much you've changed/developed, makes you feel better and that grows good associations with your space/time/habits. I also am learning to see what I need to let go of or rearrange. Sometimes, I would get overwhelmed with memories and things. So, little by little, Iet that go too. I also feel having a steady job has helped me see what I cling to out of fear/security vs. what is a memory/family heirloom. That is still a struggle. I will continue doing the 15 min time to go through what needs sorted, etc. It's interesting how creating and fine tuning your space are similar in the sense of what to keep and what to erase/modify. For myself, doing a little bit at a time, leads to getting the job done. :)