Monday, October 31, 2011

You know what? I don't like the cold

I really don't. I walked outside today to put the string bass for my eldest in the car. And I didn't wear a jacket. You know what? It's d--- cold out there! I feel like I lost 3 hours of sleep walking outside. Just felt so stinking tired. All right, I admit I woke up at 4:30 am and read some of this murder mystery (thanks to my mom-in-law) and dozed off after awhile. Then, I got up early w/my hubby so I could get some chores done so the kids wouldn't act psycho because they couldn't find their backpacks under all the Halloween stuff.

It's 29 degrees outside. The car said 36 at 7am but when we started driving the temp dropped to 29. I was like, what? I think it must be warming up a little because the snow is melting, sort of. Also, leaves are falling in clumps instead of a few at a time...well, both leaf falling ways, actually. Everything feels off.

I'm a complainer. I made myself another cup of coffee after falling asleep on the couch (thank goodness for warm, stinky dogs and warm stinky dog blankets). Even Harrison, cuddled up to me. I still need to go to the market and get milk and food stuff. I don't wanna. I just want to put on slippers, my bathrobe, lay down for 2 more hours and snore. Also, I can't find my Wii remote to do Wii fit exercises. Someone put it in a special place and forgot where that special place is.

Thank goodness we got trick or treat out of the way and we can just carve a pumpkin and watch Nightmare before Christmas tonight. Actually, I'm not sure we can watch that as someone decided to use the VCR as a toy holder... Either way, I hope everyone has a great time in the regular world.

If you read this post and feel insulted or annoyed, then you have not had enough candy in your life or else should just go back to bed too. Honestly, if I go out today I want to go to Wal Mart or Sam's Club, get the groceries and buy a new fuzzy throw just for me.

I did make it to Wal Greens and got new camera batteries. I'm glad the people there are paid to smile because I forgot I wasn't smiling and felt sort of like Frankenstein or a stone face. It broke my sleep stare and got me to wake up a little.

Anyway,I hope this caffeine works soon; I hate feeling so sleepy. If not, the couch and dogs will oblige me.

Happy Halloween!

It's a good day for trick or treating...yes, we already did that in our quirky small town. However, Jon informed me that they do trick or treating in State College, so we could skip over there and get extra candy if we really wanted too. I think we'll just carve our pumpkin and do a Halloween movie night. :)

I have some good news. My dad is back from the hospital and called on Friday evening. I'm very relieved as I was so worried about him. Apparnetly, the fall made him have a mild heart attack, bruising on the brain and he had to have an angoplasy. He also broke his nose. I'm so upset that he fell but it looks like it wasn't his fault (except for going out by him self and not being patient) as there was some road construction and they didn't put a sign up.

Anyway, what matters is he is home and is starting to listen to people. Hopefully, it will continue. It's a big relief to know he's doing better and I hope this continues (also, listening to the doctors as well).

This week feels less stressful all ready. Thank God. I'm glad we got the Halloween stuff out of the way and we can enjoy ourselves and get back into routine. I still don't know why I felt so icky last Sunday...Maybe I was exhausted. Either way, I feel better now (only a slight nose sniffle).

I think we'll still dress up and take some pictures in our costumes. Sort of a home party. My in-laws did a Halloween house (garage) on Saturday. It was kid oriented and cute. I guess I could/should have helped out but didn't know what they needed. I could see how I could make it too scary. lol Apparently, it went over well w/4-6 yr olds. lol

I still can't believe it snowed Saturday. It wasn't too bad but it does make things slippery, so we all have to be careful. I need to get more salt and camera batteries. I see a list coming up.

Well, I'm excited for pumpkin carving and pumpkin seeds, tonight. I'm glad I saved that for the actually Halloween night. Have a good one!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

feeling sad

Looks like my dad fell down from a mild heart attack. It makes me so sad because he keeps trying to do so much on his own. A friend reminded me about the "guy" aspect of being strong. It's so, so true. I wish I could just give my dad a hug and let him know we all care for him and support him. Just don't run off without us and give us a chance to help.

I just feel overwhelmed. Today was so wild and all over with the weather and doing stuff. Trick or treat night is here and The kids are planning to go out. I feel tired just thinking of it all. They are so excited. Harrison had trick or treat at the library and passed out. He was so asleep when I carried him upstairs, he didn't even protest when I pulled off his boots. Felt like I carried a 100 pound weight.

I also feel like there is this energy that is sapping people of joy of life. I wish there was a balm to sooth this. I feel sad that there is so much misconceptions. It truly feels like people are tuning into the Devil's radio as the song goes.

All I can do is be calm, embrace life, find joy in the every day and pray for the good of all. Blessings to you and yours.

The Beatles- Here Comes The Sun


Sometimes you have to wonder...

George Harrison » Devil's Radio Lyrics

Gossip, gossip
Gossip, gossip

I heard it in the night
Words that thoughtless speak
Like vultures swooping down below
On the devil's radio

I hear it through the day
Airwaves gettin' filled
With gossip broadcast to and fro
On the devil's radio

Oh yeah, gossip
Gossip, oh yeah

He's in the clubs and bars
And never turns it down
Talking about what he don't know
On the devil's radio

He's in your TV set
Won't give it a rest
That soul betraying so and so
The devil's radio

Gossip, gossip
Gossip, gossip
(Oh yeah) gossip, (gossip) oh yeah
(Gossip) oh yeah, (oh yeah) gossip

It's white and black like industrial waste
Pollution of the highest degree
You wonder why I don't hang out much
I wonder how you can't see

He's in the films and songs
And on all your magazines
It's everywhere that you may go
The devil's radio

Oh yeah, gossip
Gossip, oh yeah

Runs thick and fast, no one really sees
Quite what bad it can do
As it shapes you into something cold
Like an Eskimo igloo

It's all across our lives
Like a weed it's spread
'till nothing else has space to grow
The devil's radio

Can creep up in the dark
Make us hide behind shades
And buzzing like a dynamo
The devil's radio

(Gossip) oh yeah, (gossip) oh yeah
(Gossip) gossip, (gossip) gossip
Oh yeah, gossip I heard you on the secret wireless
Gossip, oh yeah You know the devil's radio, child
Gossip, gossip
Gossip, gossip

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

second post today

Stressing as my dad fell down today and might have had a stroke. I'm praying he'll be all right. He's spending the night at the hospital, thank God and I hope is being nice to the doctors. I really need to write more thank you notes.

Last week, my dad had a car accident but was all right...I think. He was hit by the side when this car backed up into him and another car sandwiched his other side. His car is really small and was totalled. I still can't believe all the stuff that has been happening lately. Like one crazy rollar coaster. Sigh...

I'm hoping tomorrow will be much calmer with my dad being all right but it scares me with what they found in the catscan. Just hoping it's not too serious. I'm so tired.

Spin, spin as fast as you can

That's how I've been feeling today. First off, I feel better but not 100% and have these bouts of just wanting to flop on the couch and rest/watch TV or nap (impossible w/ a kiddo and jumpy dogs). On top of it all, I thought today was the day to volunteer at the Senior lunch and only found out (after my brain stepped back and slowed down to process everything) it's the 1st Wednesday of the Month. Thank God! Not only was I not feeling well, but I'm low on gas and was worried about driving around town. Phewie!

The other part was getting the newsletter done...Just realized I left something out. Will add that soon. Then, I stayed inside w/ the little Mister and he was sort of out of it too (I think he's gotten whatever the heck I had...some wierd head congestion). He just fell asleep during dinner, poor guy. Hasn't done that in ages.

I still have to make 2 costumes...ears and tails for cat costumes. Plus, mine...if I do it. Right now, I don't give a d---. I'm tired.

The most annoying thing is the kids were so frustrating when they came home. High strung, jumpy, impatient, demanding and in your face...I wanted to scream at them a few times as I was doing my best w/ everyone wanting everything at once. Geesh. Deep breath. Plus, I was baking cookies and the timer seemed to go off in a matter of seconds instead of minutes when I was working w/ them (homework, guiding, string bass practice,etc).

I found out some sad news...there is no coach for 4th grade basketball and there are only 7 girls for the team (need 8). I have no patience to do this right at this moment...but I'm tempted to see what is needed. Maybe pair coaching? I don't know. How disappointing to have this happen. I'll call and see about the time. I asked Jon and he's like, No. I don't know anything about basketball...but then he thought, maybe. We'll see. The time is the factor.

Anyway, I feel sort of like I drank too much coffee and am jittery when I should be calmer. Maybe I should do some yoga.

Why does it seem like the kids know how to push you to your limit? If they really wanted to get their way, all they have to do is say, mommy sit down, plop your feet up, let me rub your toes, here's some tea, do you need a pillow? I love you! Wouldn't that be great?? :) I need to write that down as one of the afterschool activites. :)

Everyone just told me that it might snow tomorrow. Maybe that is why I feel sort of loopy? Perhaps. I'm going to do some light yoga. Love to you all!

trotting along downtown Bedford

Saturday, October 22, 2011

I'm not supposed to be here...

But I am. I'm home tending to the man cub...he finally fell asleep. He was driving me crazy...CRAZY. He woke up at 5am and just has been running wild since then. When is this going to stop?? I feel sad as I wanted to be at the church event tonight with all the fun and food and friends. There was even kid watching! Darn it.

The good news is Jon called me and said there is a great turnout and this makes me feel so very happy. You have no idea how happy. It's sort of a "It's a Wonderful Life" feeling to know that all these people are there and healing/reaching out to each other. I feel like I should write about this in a book or something. lol :)

I feel really tired and sleepy but I had to write this stuff out before I dozed on the couch. There is no way I'm carrying that kid up the steps...he's like 90 pounds when asleep. It was hard enough plopping him on the love seat. Geesh!

This Saturday feels sort of like I didn't much done...feeling tired and grumpy. I wish I had made cookies. Nobody wanted to do anything (the girls flat out refused to go to basketball camp...I was going to make them go but Jon was like, oh, give em a break...they do have 1 more time to go. It's not a biggie). If I can just get someone to sleep normal hours and not get up 50 times during the night, I think life will return to normal and I won't go crazy. I'm only slightly kidding here.

Well, I've got to lay down before I faint at the keyboards. Mom, if you're reading this, I'm going to lay down. Don't worry. Love you and all!

Friday, October 21, 2011

home again, home again jiggety jig

I feel like I've been away forever from my little blog here. I've spent way too much time on facebook. It feels so wrong even if it's so much fun and there are a lot of people there. I also was peeking at other people's blogs but started to feel like, I need to write some things.

"Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime,
Therefore, we are saved by hope.
Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history;
Therefore, we are saved by faith.
Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone.
Therefore, we are saved by love.
No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own;
Therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness."

Reinhold Niebuhr

I might take this quote and put it on a painting. I feel like I've been so focused on getting the room painted, driving around doing chores and just regular chores at home that I haven't been very creative. I don't know how people with outside jobs do it. Seriously. I don't know how a single parent could do so much and hold down a job. It just seems like so much stuff is to be done in 1 day and it's usually practical stuff or you won't get dinner.

I feel badly as I forgot to go Toddler time because I had to take down my calendar to paint the walls...all my info was on there! ARGH! I was planning for this since last week. Then, I forgot to dress my sweet 4th grader in theater fancy clothing for her trip to Mishler. Oh, well. She told me half the class forgot too. lol

Now that the dining room looks good, It has made the kitchen look really bad. I'm going to have to get more paint and start on there. The big thing with that place is the ceiling and floors. The painting part should go smoothly. I'm dreading taking out the ceiling (a low 1970's style one) but it will look so good once it's gone. It's still a VERY small kitchen but it's practical.

I also painted half of the fireplace. It was white before and so a cave. Now, it's reflecting light and makes the living room so much bigger looking. I'm going to paint the built in bookshelves too.

I'm really starting to like all this decorating but it is time consuming. Plus, I'm the only one doing 98% of it. I think I need to do some painting. I had taken this large painting down and have painted it in different colors and actually love it. Before I was like, it's all right. How funny that a small change can make a huge difference. :)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

sun behind the clouds

sun behind  the clouds by Emilyannamarie
sun behind the clouds, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

Just remember that clouds pass by all the time. Don't let them stand control your mood or get you down. Appreciate them for what they are, for bringing rain, for seeing things in a different light and seeing the the silver lining when the sun does peak out.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Jose Feliciano - Malaguena only

Something that makes me relax nearly everytime...beautiful!

Monday, October 17, 2011

time to down load some pics

I need to add some new pics on here. This weekend has been a blur of activity. It's Monday morning and I'm like, did we do all that we did this weekend?? I feel exhausted thinking about everything. No wonder I took a 2 hour nap yesterday afternoon. The biggest change was Harrison getting up at 4 in the morning on Sunday and dragging us long for the ride. It was sort of funny, actually. He conked out at 7am and then got up 9:30 or 10. I really thought we weren't going to make it to church but we did.

Anyway, now that things are calming down, sort of (I still have to get a string bass into the school...and hope that one of the kind men who open the door for the kids will help), I can start to get things organized and straightened up. The house looks like a newspaper thrown open in a huge pile. Well, maybe not that bad. It does need some good ol TLC. How the heck did I get so much stuff in here?? Oh, yeah...I forgot, I'm an artist and a messy one. Add 3 kids, 2 dogs and you get the picture. lol

Okay. Friday, we went to Bedford and met with some gallery people. Very nice and inspiring. Same day, we went and got hay for the yard or mud ball as I think of it from all this rain we've been having, had to extremely whiny and tired children come home from their long day (school/singing/dinner w/grandparents) who refused to go to bed and complained that their Saturday was ruined because of outside activity. Oh, such poor babies. Finally, got them to sleep and in the morning, they were 25% better but still complaining. I made waffles to make the day go down more smoothly. I guess it sort of worked. Got them to the basketball camp and Jon took their pics to make them feel better. There is a funny one of Lydia pouting:

Then, I got busy and made 2 casseroles, pasta salad and some other stuff but I forgot what. Let's just say, it was a busy crazy day. Jon went to a meeting for church and we watched the moon. That night, Harrison over slept and woke at 4 am and didn't go down till 7. We nearly missed church and it was a big day w/the Bishop coming in. :) Then, home again, where I fell asleep from all the rain storms moving in and then, off to family for dinner. I was really exhausted. Thank goodness today is going smoothly and I got my eldest to school w/ a string bass. I was fretting about this and apparently, so was she as she had nightmares of forgetting her bass. lol

The great thing is today is a GORGEOUS day with sunshine and blue skies. I hope it lasts for the rest of the day. I put some hay down and the yard will be less muddy and I hope the hay doesn't blow away with these extreme North eastern winds. lol I sort of like the wind more now. Weird how you start to change. Now, back to cleaning up. Oh, and I was just playing with Harrison when he bumped his noggin on the floor. Poor little guy! It might teach him to not be so jumpy on mama, however. Have a good day!

Friday, October 14, 2011

Good stuff

I was feeling really down about the art gallery closing. However, Jon got a day off and we drove over to Bedford and let me just say, I feel a lot better. It was amazing to see the busy feeling and just the general upbeatness of the area. Altoona could learn a lot from Bedford's downtown. Everything feels fresher and people care about each other. You can tell by the attitude people have...this respectfulness as well as appreciation for details. I love this. It was a pleasure to meet some new people and experience this. Maybe it was the sun peeking out from the clouds or I don't know what, but there is an energy there. very cool. It reminds me a bit of San Francisco and Old town Pasadena but with a hometown feel.

I really love places that encourage expression of individuality and aren't afraid to try new things. Locality Gallery gave me this vibe. It's going to be fun seeing what they show and I hope a few of my edgier pieces are shown there. I have steered away from my larger pieces just because it's easier to mail smaller works and I can do them with kids around.

And I was really pleased with the Bedford Art Council and the work they show/sell. They took a few of my wood carvings and I'm excited to see how they do. I'll have more to show in a few weeks as well. It really makes a difference to be around people who appreciate the time and work involved in handmade goods.

And I totally am thankful for my in-laws picking up my kiddos from school and taking them to singing practice so we could make the trip today. It would have been insane having to drive back time wise. It was hard enough w/ a 2 yr old, let me just say. phew!

I'll have pics up tomorrow. I feel like I need to get my wood tools out and start finishing up a few pieces. I'm so glad there are places where art seems to be thriving and being steady. That's what matters...longevity with a touch of freshness.

We also stopped in Tyrone and looked for the new gallery there. They are between shows, so I didn't see anything yet. I should have left a note (they like to share these on their and interesting).

I think there are a few other places I need to find in Bedford. The nice thing was I noticed some of the artists in the Art show where familiar to me. They are also in Art in Common group in Altoona and more. Pretty cool.

All in all, it was a great day. It rained but it made the streets clean, sparkly and fresh once the sun came out. I definitely want to go back...can we handle it with 3 kids on a Saturday? That is the question.

I do feel a bit annoyed we missed Fall Foliage (a big street fair they have during the Fall). But it's all good as I know what to aim for next year. There are SO many fairs/art shows I'm learning about, it's ridiculous. I'm going to start putting a few together and seeing which I want to apply for next year. Have a great weekend!

The Fortunes-Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again

rainy day


But hey, it's FRIDAY! :)

My siblings are being so great...really, so great! :) I'm really lucky to have a sister and brothers in my life. Sometimes, I don't tell them this and I really should because they are awesome! :) Love you guys.

I seem to be having a slight sneeze attack...annoying. I feel a little achy from the damp weather but otherwise okay.

I need to finish up some art and stick it on Etsy/eBay. I have a few Halloween goodies but have mostly been working on some metal and wood pieces. I really love working with metal but it is dangerous as you can slice open a finger really easily...not fun. I wonder if I can find cotton gloves to wear while working. Might help.

Anyway, I did decorate a little Halloween tree with my cutie skulls and pumpkins I made. I really like them and think they so cute.

I seriously need to do some photographing. Why do I feel so blah about everything? I think I need to work out. ;) Have a GREAT Friday! Sending love to you all!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

just a little crazy...

being silly and fancy

That's how I feel today. Things are sort of calming down with my parents situation of apartments. The big reason they might have to move is their roommate is looking for a new place and keeps saying she's going to move,etc,etc. It's making them feel unstable and making all of us kids feel sort of crazy as we would have to help w/ the costs until they found a new place.

I'm praying so hard they find a senior place and that is close to my sister (or brother). I just want them to be stable and happy. They can do whatever they want once they have a nice place...and hopefully, one that allows a bird. I think this would really help them emotionally.

Okay, I feel a bit better sharing this and getting it off my mind. My brother said the roommate isn't going to move out next month. However, she implied stuff and it made everyone upset. I just want my parents to have their own place w/no roommate and not have to worry about each month's rent and if they are going to be all right.

The biggest thing I've learned about all of this is to treat people nice. Treat them nicer then you even want to because everything comes right back to you if you don't. Make the most of repairing relationships and adding to it as it really makes a difference in the quality of our lives.

The other thing is going frequently to a doctor for any problems (and esp. mental health issues). I wish we had known a lot of things 25 years ago...we might not have had so many upsets over the years.

Also, the biggest and most obvious, exercise a little every day. I wasn't going to exercise today (did lots of chores) but did 8 minutes and I have to say, by golly I feel 50% better then I did before the exercising. I felt sluggish and icky (I usually feel like this after lunch...)and this time, I feel energized. I will make it a point to do 8 minutes of exercise after I have a meal and see if there is a difference in my mood. :)

I was feeling sort of down about not painting or doing artwork but I did a lot of chores (cleaning out the mudroom) and it's all good. I will do some artwork as the kids do their homework. It makes me patient and receptive for some odd reason.

Tomorrow is Friday and I hope the sun peaks out. I want to see the beautiful colors of hills and countryside of PA. I hate to show off but PA is amazing and truly a gift during this season. :)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Rainy wednesday

I was feeling pretty good all day and upbeat. But then, I saw what I thought was some trash on a sidewalk and it turned out to be a cat. It didn't look good. There was no way to stop...traffic, rain and 3 kids in the car. I feel so sad and helpless when I see these things. I know it will be found by someone. I just wish I had seen it when the road wasn't so busy and earlier. It really just made me so sad.

I sound like a broken record but I do feel tired. I got up early, did a workout, planned to go to volunteer (didn't happen as Harrison was wet from playing at the park) and did a million chores, it seems. I did some artwork but for some reason I couldn't find a hammer anywhere. I need to nail some metal on wood. I could have done some drilling but didn't want to get everything out. I was supposed to go to the copy shop but didn't even get that far. I think this weather is making me achy too and this isn't the best feeling to have.

Well, my eldest is learning the string bass. She's learning the first page. Sounds pretty good. :)

I did find a hammer (in the garage) and a little metal work. I feel better now. :)

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Health stuff

So, I've been talking to my dad and he has convinced him self he doesn't have cancer and is just taking supplements (some flower that is supposed to help prostate enlargements). I was freaking out about this and was (am still) having a hard time with him not getting treated for cancer. Deep breath. My husband made me feel better in knowing that, should all else fail, my dad will go to the doctors. So, I hold onto this in the back of my mind or I would really just be crying all day and not getting anything done. Seriously.

My dad's dementia/mental health issues are very, very difficult to deal with at times. The best approach is to not engage in any conflict/arguments or discussion. Maybe a question or two but basically, it's just listening to his monologue. I see why so many people have run from him and have lost patience, etc, etc. I feel bad for many reasons...but I'm beyond feeling ashamed. I feel more or less that the 5% of my dad that is sane, I'll hold onto and forgive the rest.

Of course all of this has made me feel a bit paranoid about health. Don't worry, I'm not going to go health crazy or anything like that. I'm trying to take better care of my self (exercising/eating healthy) as I've written about before. The other thing is being paranoid about getting dementia or cancer. I shouldn't have read this article about signs of potential cancer...but one thing is it does make me feel a little less scared. I started to think about my aunt, who died of leukemia, and she had had a lot of fevers and was very weak before they found out. Poor dear.

I just want everyone to be healthy. And if not, to at least not be in pain. I guess I'm thinking of my dad and I know he's in some pain but not a lot, thankfully. I'm praying he will be all right and maybe he will have had enough treatment (previously) to be here a little longer.

After all that has happened in the last 20 years, I still wouldn't have imagined so much would have been lost and gained and lost again. It seems like some strange epic story. I think I need to do some art.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

My quote for today

"Always remember, behind those clouds is the sun."


Feeling better

Yesterday was a series of annoying things happening...the car mirror broke when I swerved to the side to let a bus pass by I hit a lamp post, I guess. Then, the car wouldn't start because I didn't realize Harrison had left the lights on and ran the battery out. And I had a bad headache all day due to my cold/stress. Today is much better...accept for the road work they are doing right now. I feel more energized after getting some chores done.

I didn't work out today but will as I think this is what has been helping keeping me from going crazy and feeling really awful. I just do some yoga and about 16 min of Wii fit. 30 min top.

I keep getting these waves of sadness washing over me. When the hustle and bustle slows down, I start to feel sad. I guess that's to be expected with all my family stuff in California. My husbands co-worker/friend at work is experiencing a similar situation with her father. He is in the dying stage, unfortunately. He'll be there for about 15% of the time and that's when it's heart breaking. He'll say, he's afraid of dying and feels sad/guilty for the past. His daughter said she's afraid of dying too. And fortunately, their priest comes and got in his face and said, God forgives you! You don't need to worry about that. What a blessing to have someone remind you of that ultimate unconditional love.

I hope everything is calm for her and her father. I wish I could visit my family and help. But I know they know I love them very much.

I sometimes hate this time of year. I really do. All the holidays start and I feel happy for everyone but it really stinks that my side of the family are all on the West coast and we're all here. I feel angry that stuff like transporters are not real and Jon is afraid of flying and that cash is always tight. I'm a bit whiner, I know. Actually, I'm very blessed and thank God for phones, Internet, pictures and even if I get into fights sometimes, facebook. lol This is what happens when I don't do some exercising. hahaha

Well, enough of that. :) I'm going to have some coffee and get this room whipped into shape. Love to you all and have a great week. :)


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