Health stuff

So, I've been talking to my dad and he has convinced him self he doesn't have cancer and is just taking supplements (some flower that is supposed to help prostate enlargements). I was freaking out about this and was (am still) having a hard time with him not getting treated for cancer. Deep breath. My husband made me feel better in knowing that, should all else fail, my dad will go to the doctors. So, I hold onto this in the back of my mind or I would really just be crying all day and not getting anything done. Seriously.

My dad's dementia/mental health issues are very, very difficult to deal with at times. The best approach is to not engage in any conflict/arguments or discussion. Maybe a question or two but basically, it's just listening to his monologue. I see why so many people have run from him and have lost patience, etc, etc. I feel bad for many reasons...but I'm beyond feeling ashamed. I feel more or less that the 5% of my dad that is sane, I'll hold onto and forgive the rest.

Of course all of this has made me feel a bit paranoid about health. Don't worry, I'm not going to go health crazy or anything like that. I'm trying to take better care of my self (exercising/eating healthy) as I've written about before. The other thing is being paranoid about getting dementia or cancer. I shouldn't have read this article about signs of potential cancer...but one thing is it does make me feel a little less scared. I started to think about my aunt, who died of leukemia, and she had had a lot of fevers and was very weak before they found out. Poor dear.

I just want everyone to be healthy. And if not, to at least not be in pain. I guess I'm thinking of my dad and I know he's in some pain but not a lot, thankfully. I'm praying he will be all right and maybe he will have had enough treatment (previously) to be here a little longer.

After all that has happened in the last 20 years, I still wouldn't have imagined so much would have been lost and gained and lost again. It seems like some strange epic story. I think I need to do some art.


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