Thursday, September 27, 2012

tired

The day has barely gotten under way and I feel a bit exhausted. We got off to a late and yelling start...kids forgot stuff, I forgot stuff...apologize, etc,etc. Anyway, it's working out now. Yesterday evening was so annoying. I drove to two music shops...1 was closed and the other was out of music books. It was even more annoying because the music shop guy I talked to didn't know where the new music shop was (I have my doubts about that)...thankfully, the teacher knew (I emailed her). To my surprise it's only 5 blocks away from the kids school. I feel like I wasted a bunch of gas. Oh, well.

I drove by the shop and will be able to get my daughter's music stuff w/out postage as I cancelled my on-line order. Location is everything.

I feel really down, I guess, from the weather rainy and sad about my dad. I was doing pretty good...went to the library, played with H. at the kids library and got this really intense desire to have an inside pond. There was a pond by the check out at the library...so cute!

I'm going to bring Gingerbread (our rabbit) and Suki (guinea pig) downstairs and have them be close to us. It's nice to have them upstairs (protected from a certain mischievous dog named Penny. But I do miss them when they are up there in the girls room. Maybe it will draw Cato out too (our shy kitten).

I feel upset about my dad leaving us...it felt way too soon. It's just not fair. I feel like I missed doing so many things with my dad over the years. Just gotta remember to learn from that.

I just feel like so many negative things have happened lately...things beyond my control. I know I can't say that dad didn't suffer and it is good that he isn't in pain anymore. But I miss him so much.

Been talking to my mom...she's feeling down, obviously. I need to hug her. Sometimes, it feels like we've been under a strange curse or something. Maybe that's what mental illness creates in it's path...a feeling of no control and despair. I don't know.

Life goes on, doesn't it? The days become colder and darker and it's Fall. I just have so much I wish  I could have changed for my family...the most I wish is protection for people who are older and especially for those with mental health issues.

It's a terrible feeling to have someone you love, leave you. It's really awful and if I could I'd throw these feelings away. But it's something you have to cry out and focus on the good memories. I've been working on a photo collage and it's helping me connect my loved one's in a good way. I've had that collage thing sitting around for almost a year! I'm glad I finally am doing it. it's a good feeling to see happy faces. It has 41 picture slots....it's not easy to find 41 photos to fill in there (size issues, etc). But it's coming along. about 3-4 more pics to put in there. It's huge.

Have a good day and remember to tell people a kind word or 3. ;) 

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