feeling sick and sad

So things with dad are not doing too good. He was admitted to the ICU about 3 days ago. For the past 2 months, the convalescent home had thought that dad was having a reaction to the antibiotics. He kept getting worse and worse. My mom was like, take him to the hospital. He needs a blood transfusion, etc, etc. Similar to the last time we were at a different convalescent hospital. I swear the doctors want to push patients to the most extreme and see if they die. This total disregard of life. After this experience, I'm very against convalescent homes unless one is totally desperate. Home nursing is by far, so much better.

Anyway, dad is at the ICU still, he apparently had a staph infection! Now, it has spread from his intestines to his lungs and blood. They are trying to flush out everything with fluids and hopefully, get him on dialysis. I have no idea if he'll make it. It's so stressful. I know that we are trying everything...praying and getting proper care. If he makes it, it will be a miracle. If not, I know that he fought a huge battle, did the best he could and is at peace.

Since his stroke from the fall, his ability to speak went away and I do miss his voice. During his better manic years, he ran for governor in California. I just think that is a bit crazy and wonderful. Apparently, there are recordings of him at radio stations talking about his ideas (and they are far out)...wish I could find them. 

I just think my dad was such a character...sometimes he'd really push your buttons and other times you just loved his passion and energy. My husband was telling me about the original St Nickolas  and how he was a fighter for justice. My dad always had this sense about him...even if it was a bit muddled. :) I like to think of my dad a bit this way. Yeah, he really did push a lot of people the wrong way and in his last few years was really quite mentally stressed (bipolar issues)...but he was, over all, a sweet old bear.


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