Monday, January 23, 2012

at times you want to cry

Been talking to my mom and getting good reports about my dad. He's showing progress with his arm...can squeeze her hand, is making jokes and his spirit seems more like his old self. This is such a change since last week...I'm glad he's coming through this darkness and stabilizing. The doctors have said his clot is even gone...amazing. I just feel so overwhelmed. I can imagine a little of how my family is feeling. I hope they all know how much I love them, even if I vent on here and get annoyed sometimes.

I'm thankful for the kindness of their roommate, the doctors, nurses and aides. It's amazing how things are progressing. He can walk, a little and each day seems to bring new gifts and stretching lessons...sometimes, it's not that easy and it's rough. They are taking each day as it comes. It brings back a lot of memories when I worked as a nurse aid for senior care. Some of it is a little painful and sad...and other times, you see it as a way of bringing something positive to just one person.

In some good kid news, the gals won a basketball game. I forgot to tell my mom. They were like, yeah, we won! lol No biggie. I was like, wow! Jon was happy and my dad-in-law went to the game. I just want a good experience for the kids and they seem to be getting it.

After school today, the gals built snowmen in the yard and Harrison must have shoveled 20 feet of snow (he brings his little shovel everywhere we go, just in case). The poor kid fell asleep right in the middle of dinner. The gals didn't even protest (not too much) to go to bed on time. All in all, it's a good thing. This is probably one of the nicest winters in terms of weather and doing fun things. I feel blessed.

Last Saturday was tough as I had a migraine and Sunday felt taxing. There was some odd thing going on at church but I guess people wanted to share their feelings. It's all good. I just wish people would think of church as a relationship with others and that arguing in service is damaging to little ears. It's like parents forgetting to be parents and just acting out in front of their children, other people's children and only thinking of their own needs. It's not cool or considerate or thoughtful. I'm ashamed to say, my dad would do these things too and disrupt church services because he had to share his POV and have an argument. It made me feel very uncomfortable and ashamed.

I truly believe talking at the right place and time is what makes relationships work. I'm certainly not perfect and have had many failures. lol Believe me. However, catching ones self and changing those patterns, is part of learning from those mistakes. I truly believe seeking out help, whether by books or therapists, is a step in the right direction. I'm praying for everyone at our church.

I guess every group has situations like this. I know my family had a rough patch for many years (16 yrs of not talking to my sister, 5 or so yrs not talking to me, etc) but we've so changed in the last few months. I still can't believe it sometimes. I guess this is why I just want to cry at times...happy tears.

Certainly, there are other family members out there that we're still estranged from. My door is open to them (within reason). They decided to shut me out (literally and figuratively). I can't do anything for them but to wish them the best and carry on with my sweetly dysfunctional family.

Sigh...life is not meant to be perfect, is it? I'm okay with that...as long as there is a little chocolate, a little laughter and a lot of love.

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