Thursday, December 16, 2010

Lights on the snow

I think I need to gather a few candles and put them in the snow. I did that last yr and they lasted for 2 days. I love seeing the candle light against the snow at night. Gives me hope for the future and reminds me that even in the dark and cold, there is always light and warmth.

I feel a bit like I'm walking a tight rope lately. It has to do with a lot of family issues. Nothing so dramatic as about 6 yrs ago when my parents lost their home. I've come to the realization that there are some really bad people out there who will take advantage of people who are mentally ill. That is what happened to my dad. I feel badly as I wasn't there to protect them...it's a terrible feeling. But on the other hand, we are all still here and that matters a great deal.

The problem we're having is just a simple matter of moving and finding a new apartment for my parents. I've been writing to people getting info and hopefully, things will start to feel less chaotic for my mom and dad. As you might imagine, they are very scared of change and I'm sure it brings up all the nightmares from the house loss. I just wish they would feel less anxiety and know we are all supporting them (well, at least some of my siblings and new family).

It's very annoying because I'm communicating by emails/phone calls and not there. The joys of distance can be a burden. Then there is my dad, who is ill, and this makes it worse. So, I've been praying and hoping all that I've been doing at my end, will make things easier and calmer for all.

I think sometimes, people expect too much or blame way too much. They get ideas into their heads that life is a Disney movie with a hero and a very bad villian. I don't think any one person is pure one thing or the other (there might be some exceptions for some historical figures). Real life is full of all spectrums of human nature and it is how we decide to respond or (as I've been learning) not respond to words/behaviors. So, at this point of time, I feel like I've done all I can and it's up to others to take responsibility.

Oddly, the stuff happening right now, is not that bad. It's just the baggage of previous events that float to the top and make people's judgement clouded/confused. So, I'll just keep that in mind, forgive them and know we are all trying our best.

Well, I feel better getting that off my chest! I've been writing in my journal and that helps and talking to my hubby. I've also been reading one of my favorite books, "Thank you for being such a Pain" by Mark Rosen. It really helps to read this when you feel frustrated. I also recommend a great book (for less emotional times of the year), "Fear of Intimacy". This has a lot of strategies for getting over a lot of the baggage we all carry around with us. Might have to gift some of these in the future.

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