Thursday, November 13, 2008

Good but tiring day...

I feel pregnant. I feel it all over and it does not feel very good. If you've ever been pregnant or have had a close one who was, you know the complaints and aches. Let's just say, you never get used to the way your body changes. ugh.

I'm at the point where I'm letting go of things...in other words, I'm not going to fret about getting things finished or done. I don't need to stress my self out and if I have a nice person who will listen, I'll vent a bit and get things off my mind...such as my sister and sis-in-law. :) This helps. I've also noticed if I let go of something that is annoying instead of constantly thinking about it, it really frees up my mental state. I actually have more energy and not feel weighted down by hang-ups. Sounds easy but is hard to do, let me just say.

I started to think about that Buddhist story...

THE BURDEN

Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the road sides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk across because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to a her lifted her in his alms and left her on the other side of the road, and continued his way to the monastery.
In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, "Sir, as monks, we cannot touch a woman ?"
The elder monk answered "yes, brother".
Then the younger monk asks again, " but then Sir, how is that you lifted that woman on the roadside ?"
The elder monk smiled at him and told him " I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her "


It's basically about letting go of emotional baggage...as one writer put it, "The moral of that Buddhist monk story: The senior monk had broken rules but for good reason. Once the purpose was fulfilled he put her down and continued on. He never gave it a further thought. The junior monk however did not touch the woman but he had brought up the actions of the senior monk when it was an action of the past. Therefore the junior monk was carrying the burden of what the senior monk had done as emotional baggage.

We have little use for the past except for the purpose of learning from our experiences, good and bad. Just like in the Buddhist monk story, we need to let go of any burden the past may place on us. It's happened, it's over, it cannot be changed, we can only move forward and create a compelling future."

I have to remember this more often in my life. Learn from the past and go forward. So very true.

Well, because I'm trying to do this (not always successfully but I am trying) I have been finding more time to create art. It does feel good to create new paintings and finish up projects I started awhile back. It's refreshing and such a good feeling, really. I was rummaging through some boxes and found all these little sculptures I had made. The gals wanted to paint ornaments we bought for Christmas (plaster ones from Michaels) and I set them up in the basement. Next thing I know, I'm working on stuff too. It was very comfortable and nice...even Jon came down to chat while we did this. I have to clear out some space down there but it's not too bad and sort of chaotically creative. I would like to get some bin type things to sort stuff...I realize I'm an eccentric artist and will always be involved in many varieties of art...so, I need something like bin/drawers to store everything. There is this one artist who creates the fabulous "I Spy" books and his studio is something I dream about. Just so how I'd have it with lots of clearly marked drawers and such. So, this will have to be something I aim for in the future.

I feel so good about creating new work...it actually made me see what I was doing wrong a few months ago. I had this mental hang-up about finishing this big project. Basically, I wanted to finish the big project first and quickly but have realized I'm miserable if I don't do smaller works (and I freeze up trying to complete the other stuff). I jumped into painting the miniature paintings and felt so relieved...I needed to do that as well as my other stuff. I guess that's how my mind works and I'll just have to accept that. So, I've given myself a year to finish the bigger work and get it fine tuned. My goal is to submit it to a publisher about this time next year. It feels strange to put this into writing...I hope I can succeed in this. Lately, I've begun to feel like if you really try and really work hard and have the support you need, it will happen. I won't worry about the "what if's" anymore. I'll continue as planned and do my best. That's all I can do.

It's a good feeling to have a plan and one that isn't too strict or too loose. I'll give it my best and I know I can at least finish what I started. I feel this way about homeschooling too. I was surprised to learn we were much more progressed on a couple of subjects than I've given myself credit for...I was doing the books primarily and hadn't recorded it correctly on the cyber books. Now, I see we've covered a lot of ground actually. :) Also, it shows that Norrie is finally starting to grasp certain concepts and this is refreshingly rewarding.

Well, I'm tired and I'll be loading pics up soon...of various art projects, I think and more.

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