I'm having a bit of a feeling for change this year when it comes to what I want to keep or give/throw out in regards to decorations. I have quite a few decorations from my single days and I feel like I just like them any more...I don't think it's too strange to want to purge a few things like this, is it? Also, lots of things have not made it past the little hands test and have either broken or look sort of battered. So, I'm thinking of letting a few things go. Anything salvageable, I'll give away.

We had a sad moment today. Another one of our pet rats has got to rat heaven. She really lasted a long time with the tumors and such. I felt sorry but knew it was time two days ago. I was agitated and started to wake up at 4 in the morning, again. Plus, I had some nightmares about it...but I knew it was time. Jon made a very sweet coffin but I didn't have the heart to photograph it. It was very sweet...the gals helped him cover it in Kleenex and there was a little bed with a sheet. Jon placed her on her side so you could only see the back of her head and an ear sticking out. Very sad and sweet...I think I'm totally burned out when it comes to pocket pets. We still have one rat left, Jane. She was the healthiest one too. Plus, she had a moment of fame being on the cover of the Altoona Mirror. I must say she did look good...:)

I wasn't at the funeral but my heart was with her. I was just glad she wasn't suffering...not that she did (only about 2 days). She was rather frisky till the end. I liked that. I was glad she died at home instead of being put down as I was planning to do, at the vet. Jon buried her next to Fergie and Daisy. I may make a little rat monument in the summer cast in cement. They were very good rats and the most gentle pet I've ever had. And I'm not just saying that...not once did they scratch and I think maybe twice have nipped if they thought they smelled food (rats have very bad eye sight but very good senses of smell). Here's to you, Abby! May you join your mama and sister forever nibbling on bread houses and cheese trees in your little rat heaven.

I think I'm content with my dog, cats and bird for now. I think, in a detached way, it's interesting about life and death. It's always there and constant, like time. In some ways, questioning it is good but also part of the process of accepting it. I remember once talking to a man who had to put his dog down. He said he'd never get a dog again because of that. I was surprised. I think I would get a dog again...certainly, I'd wait to heal and do create a tribute, but it's much better to feel the love of a dog then forever mourn them. Now, that I have a dog, I don't know how I lived without one. I think that's much better than to not open your heart. But with rats or pocket pets, they live for such a short time. A part of me feels sad that I didn't get a few baby rats to balance the inevitable. It's true, you have to keep getting another rat, or your life will be a bit sadder if you don't. Maybe I'll try hamsters next (though, Jon is afraid of them). :/ Maybe, I'll just wait on that for a bit...


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