Monday, September 17, 2007

rejections...of perceptions

Ah, well. Recycled paper, finally, got back to me and I got my work sent back. It's actually a relief as I have been waiting for nearly over a year. So, to be quite frank, I'm just glad my stuff wasn't lost or thrown out! lol! Also, it's a good lesson in what to do next time and to try harder. I'm not afraid of failing as much as I used to be. How about that? I'm growing thicker skin! :)

The worst thing to me is not knowing, regardless of the yes or no. I feel better now that I know and can move on to the next project/publisher.

My current goal is to make 5 new pieces of art/work and send them out. I think this is a good attitude and one that is doable. I also want to get my brochures printed up and start sending them out. This will be aim for the next couple of months.

Right now, I'm a tad tired as I got up at 6 am. I feel blah. I mailed out (what seemed like) tons of packages. But just a few things. I still need to mail a B-day card to my sis, and I want to send a card to some of my clients I do care work for.

Plus, I finished putting away the tent (it left a massive spot on the grass...all the grass died under there. I'm pretending an alien space craft landed and that was what remained. The kids are too literal, however, and say mommy it was the tent. Oh, well...


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Tonight, I think I'll make a turkey chili. It's been cold for the past few days (40's or lower at night). My bones started to shake and I vented to Jon about how I wanted to live somewhere warm. I had a humbling moment when I saw all the fires happening in the West and I vowed not to complain (too much) about the cold. Plus, I know once we insulate the walls, things will get warmer in the house and I won't be so bitter. Just feel a tad sad in saying good-bye to my plants/garden. Ah, well...

I'm also doing a lot of smaller works and trying different styles and what not. I need to go to the local gallery and bring in some new things there. Plus, I have to finish some work for the St. Drogo's cafe among other places. Jon may have another place for me to show my work at a restaurant in State College. We shall see...

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Jon's leaving for the weekend. He's going to California and you have no idea how I wish we could all be going too. I haven't seen my parents in 5 years. Not for lack of want, believe me, but funds. Sigh...But we are aiming for a January trip. If things keep going the way they're going, this might become a reality. So, I'm feeling good...Jon's trip is so he can spend some time with a dear friend who's had a series of very hard knocks in life.


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It's funny. My job as a caretaker is a very personal one and I'm dealing with a lot of people who are left with bodies either ravaged by time or disease. It's interesting as the biggest problem of people who are limited is not so much having their basic needs met (food, shelter) but being around other people and making connections that make them feel valued and real. My feelings, within the first week, shifted from saddness and pity to surprise and compassion. I was surprised to see the dark humor some people showed and the politics of retirement centers. I was really, really suprised! Anyone who says older people are like children is quite naive in their perspections. If anything, these folks are really good at subtle, spiked conversations. Certainly, if a person is mentally ill, it's a different story but for those who are aware and here, it's quite enjoyable. I'm fascinated by the stories people will often open up and tell me...and how you can't pigeon-hole people at any age. One woman, loves the most conservative Christian preachers but has an equal amount of love and support for Bill Clinton and Hillary. You could knock me over with a feather, when I heard her say Bill, could win this race because he's got the common man touch. What insight! lol! Even now, I'm laughing with surprise at how people just amaze me sometimes.

And so, I've learned, yet again, do not judge a book by its cover. It's also funny because, as a quiet person, I'm often perceived as withdrawn or I don't know what, really. However, I do know what I like and don't like. I don't like showing off or feel I need to stand up and say look at me. I'll share what I feel like I need to share, certainly. However, I don't feel like I need to be an extrovert when I'm a quiet person. I'm happy with who I am. And if some people don't like this, it's their loss, not mine.

Once, about 15 years ago, I adopted a stray cat. She surprised me by getting larger and larger, until I realized she was quite pregnant! She had a litter of about 7 kittens. All of them were beautiful and sweet and I esp. liked the white and gray one with a fluffy body. After they were old enough to start moving around, I put them in a row and decided that which ever kitten came to me, would be my cat. One by one, each kitten wandered away until there was one left. I was feeling very rejected and sad when the last kitten opened her eyes. She looked right at me and like a Barbados turtle heading for the sea, she came straight to me! I named her Simone, One who hears, and she has been my cat ever since. This is how I know something wants/needs to be with me. I try to use this gauge in life as much as possible.

2 comments:

Carol said...

I like your story from the nursing home.

So, I must be like that kitty...

Emily said...

Thanks, Carol!

I think everyone has a kitty inside of them, if they're smart enough to let it out. ;) Kindess is really one of the best attributes of humans, and yet it seems as though this gets stuffed away.

Sociable

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