Working, working, working...

on various things soon to be mentioned but not too soon.

Anyway, I'm feeling so much better today. Partially it's the sun coming out and a warm day and the other part is just enjoying my family and realizing things are beyond me and it's Okay.

When I was younger I used to think I had to do everything and save everyone. I now know why I thought like this...part of it is being the eldest child and other parts of it have to do with great expectations of others and myself. I've since learned part of life is what is given to you and the other part (or parts) are what you do with it. I'm still learning this, actually. What can you do with what you have? It's a funny thing to think about life. As an artist, I think about this with my work. As a conservationist, this applies to recycling, reusing, and reducing.

Certainly, there are dark times in our lives but to see it for what it was from different perspectives rather than one's own and then saying do I still want to feel this way about that experience? Do I still want to hold on to those feelings? Does it take too much energy and precious time to hold on to these things? For me, it does and is a waste of my time. Sure I allow myself to feel sad and cry. But then it's time to clean the room, throw out the cardboard boxes and scrub the floor.

It's funny how much I hold on to and then realize, it's not really what I wanted. My daughters where looking in a box of bits and pieces. I didn't realize they had scissors and they cut up a little cross-stitched heart I had made. I was mad at them at first but then, for some reason, it seemed right. I decided I'd use it in a collage about my family home being taken away and lost to us. It makes me sad to think about this but at the same time, I feel sort of like it's a rebirth of new feelings and ways to look at what causes sorrow. When I finish this, I'll share it here.

The Sonnets to Orpheus: IV

O you tender ones, walk now and then
into the breath that blows coldly past,
Upon your cheeks let it tremble and part;
behind you it will tremble together again.

O you blessed ones, you who are whole,
you who seem the beginning of hearts,
bows for the arrows and arrows' targets-
tear-bright, your lips more eternally smile.

Don't be afraid to suffer; return
that heaviness to the earth's own weight;
heavy are the mountains, heavy the seas.

Even the small trees you planted as children
have long since become too heavy; you could not
carry them now. But the winds...But the spaces....

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Translated by Stephen Mitchell


Carol said…
Enjoyed your post. Come and see how much!
nathan said…
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