Friday, February 22, 2013

Flu or cold...I don't know

But I've got something and the good thing is it's not head pain. Last night/afternoon was horrible. I had the worst headache/ear pain. Now, I'm sneezing and that is good (get's all the pressure out). Thank God!!!!

I'm also feeling less shivery and achy. I actually had energy and went to the craft store and found lots of fun things to play with (new wool and felt!!). Can you tell I'm excited?  :) I have to wait as I have to go out and get some salt (we are having icky ice falling right now) and pick up the 4 yr old. Before that, I have to find my yak tracks and walk carefully to the car. It is SUCH a burden to have all this snow/ice just to go to school or outside. This time of year is making me WISH really badly for Spring and want to move back to California regardless of the earthquakes (well, maybe not) not possibly having to live in an apartment (okay, that would not be fun with all our critters, kids and stuff).

I keep thinking, Spring is coming. Don't get depressed, keep focused on gardening. Soon you'll be wishing you had more time indoors, etc. Blah, blah, blah. However, I looked at the forecast for the week ahead and it's ALL snow except for Sunday (thank you, God).

I looked at craft lights that have "natural" lights and I'm like $150 for this??? Maybe I can get a few light bulbs at Lowe's and make things more natural that way. We shall see. Any tips, I'd appreciate.

Here are some Spring reminders:
when Lydia and Norrie were small...visiting pigs at Penn State

a beautiful peony from my yard
lovelies from facebook

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Neal E. Boyd America's Got Talent Top 20 Performance

For you mom~~


I've been having the oddest dreams lately...I know they are centered around several things happening dad's passing, my beloved Simone kitty passing and then a mix of life and death.

The one dream was of Simone...she was huge, like a giant gray blanket and couldn't move anything by her head. We were at the ocean and watching the waves as they rolled onto the yellow sand. She was watching the waves like they were the best thing.

Your Musical Nightlight - #17 - Winter Webcast 2011

at 8:48 on the video is a very sweet song called, Winter Lullaby. Enjoy~

"Winter Lullaby" by M.A. Ludwig

Sunday, February 17, 2013

hello hannari tofu ^______^♥

I might need this

marce ♥

marce ♥ by sugarelf
marce ♥, a photo by sugarelf on Flickr.

Blizzardy day

How did it ever get so cold and windy? I dread having to go out tonight but we are planning to go. I'm not pleased. I'd rather cover up in two or three blankets, sip coco or apple cider and watch a movie. But as it is, the kids want to go out, play with their friend and have a play date.

I guess I'm depressed about church and about how things are just crazy over there. There is a lot to think about and I'm praying things work out. I don't want to hold grudges but it's hard to deal with people who "just show up" after our priest is going to leave. It's really un-Christian and makes you question people's comprehension of what church/faith means.

Plus, why does it have to be SO cold??? I hate spending so much time inside and have to or freeze your appendages off. :P

I did have a little bit of fun. I put an angry bird water tattoo on my wrist and from a distance it looks real-ish. I think I freaked out a few folks. lol

I think I want to go to Barnes and Nobles and get a new craft book. I saw one there the last time; it looked promising. Hopefully, I can remember the title/image so I can get it.

I started feeling depressed at the art store too. I felt like, what is this all about? Why bother? We're all headed to the grave, anyway. Yeah, I sound down. I shouldn't feel so down but I do.

I've got to focus and finish some of my projects, I think. I kept talking about making a kitty quilt in honor of Simone and I need to build a wooden box for my dad's ashes. I got the wood and I hope I can build it well and make it looks nice for my mom. I'm thinking of carving some doves on it and a something with at a heart...low key and subtle to represent Christ's eternal love. Great, now I've got my self all emotional, again.

One thing I feel glad about is reading that there are women/men out there who have questions about their faith or might have a different take on God and still go to church. I don't know why that is reassuring but it is.

I also feel betrayed. I feel like so many of my family (and some friends) just ignored me during the whole election thing on face book. I can tell no one was following me or even concerned because they didn't like my politics. It's fine that people don't but it is annoying that people aren't allowed to have their own opinion and talked like trash behind their back. I even had relatives deemed unworthy because we came from CA. Crazy.

Anyway, things will get better. Time ticks on. Just really annoying and tender at the moment.

snow fall

snow fall by Emilyannamarie
snow fall, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

this is probably my fave pic of snow this year. :) It was during a "snow squall" and most of it melted the next day. Perfect snowfall in my book! We had fun playing and running around. It was a light, wet snow; just really fun.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Happy V Day!

100_5169 by Emilyannamarie
100_5169, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

A Valentine's to you from H. :)

These are going out to the grandma's!

snow prints

snow prints a video by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

snow walk

snow walk by Emilyannamarie
snow walk, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

playdoh and dog

playdoh and dog by Emilyannamarie
playdoh and dog, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

the itsy bitsy spider

the itsy bitsy spider a video by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

shaking the tree

100_5156 a video by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.


100_5158 by Emilyannamarie
100_5158, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

without the flash but you can see a little falling in front of the light


100_5159 by Emilyannamarie
100_5159, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

Penny sitting with Simone

she sat with her till the end. She was very concerned and knew she was leaving. :(


It's an off day for the day and Presidents Day weekend. So, they are home and I'm bouncing off the ways with the kids. Not at problem just feel out of sorts for various reasons. I really, really feel sick of people at the moment.

The kids concert was cancelled because they "had" to move it to the Jr. High on short notice for repairs to the HS. But some how, they couldn't fit in the kids who practice music at school, only the special after school program kids. That just irritated me and other parents. If you can't fit everyone in, maybe, maybe you should find a venue for everyone to go to instead of excluding some kids. Just really annoying and unfair to the kids who have been practicing and the parents who were expecting to go. I think the teacher felt badly and gave some of the kids stools. I know my middle gal was not pleased as she didn't get to do the concert.

This brings up a whole lot of annoyance because apparently the good auditorium that could actually house everyone was torn down 3 or 4 years ago to make a football field. :( So, now we are all suffering for that great decision.

We found out there are definitely closing 2 elementary schools this summer and it's going to lay off a number of staff and faculty. Great. The only good thing is it will have kids go to better school areas and hopefully, the our kids can keep going to the same school they've been going to. We shall see.

I'm still upset about our church situation. Jon wants to be on the back burner for I don't know for how long. I feel badly because I'd l don't know what's going to happen for us and our kids. I just want a stable church experience with no talk of history (or very, very little and on the positive side) and do 10-20% volunteering. I still don't know what to think of some people and just want to distance my self from melodrama.

The good thing is I have learned the people who are making the church run/continue are the best of the best. I'm not just saying that either. They are strong and fair minded and I feel if we keep going that route, we would come back (mostly if there is a rector with positive attitude).

I think most of my annoyance is I forgot to take my allergy pills and I'm feeling ear pain/sinus issues. :( So, I'd better do that soon.

We finally got a new computer. A lot has changed and I'm annoyed this too. I can't seem to download my photos/movies on blogger (keeps turning off) and I have to learn all this new stuff. Plus, all my info is on the other computer, still. I know I shouldn't complain but there, I did.

Plus, meteor's are falling, asteroids are going by and it's just all bizarre and too science fiction-ish right now. I just feel tired and would like to take a nap.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Rollar Coaster

Yesterday must have been one of the oddest days in some time. I talked to several people and am trying to listen and take in a lot of information.

First, I talked to my mom and she revealed some sad things about my dad's past. I'm still trying to digest this but it fits a lot, A LOT of why he was so overly protective. It makes me feel so sad we didn't try therapy and get ways to cope/deal with these anxieties to keep us safe. My feeling is many people would benefit from therapy, family therapy and even group therapy not because it deals with communicating and getting to the heart of the matter but because it gives us strategies to cope with our fears. A friend once told me that fear is at the root of a many issues and I couldn't agree more. On a different level there is power struggles and that has roots in fear as well (fear of the unknown, fear of loss of status, fear of being lonely, fear of shame and humiliation, fear of loss, etc). All of this can be helped with support, listening, medicine and practice.

 Second, a person who has hurt us in the past came and apoligized. I was very surprised and still am, by this. It gives me a sense of hope and we shall see what the future holds. I just feel worn out by everything. It seems like life does have an odd feeling like a Hallmark movie. I'd prefer people to not be so uptight about things (control issues) and just relax and hang out. Friends don't need to be competitive but we can learn from each other and be civil. It's getting to be very tedious to have so much melodrama when all you want are some friends to go for a walk with, share a meal, and possibly worship at the same church. It's that simple.

Anywho, I've got floors to mop, things to dust and hopefully art to make. Life is a good and sweet if you put the work into it. It doesn't have to be perfect but there needs to be progress. Have a good day. <3 br="">

Monday, February 11, 2013

R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts (Video)

R.E.M. - Losing My Religion (Video)

The Beatles - Let It Be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be...I need to embrace this with all my heart. Trying to let it be

The Beatles-Hey Jude

Yo-Yo Ma - Bach, Cello Suites

Mozart Vs Salieri

Mom, who does this remind you of?

Spongebob and Squidward! lol

Feeling tired on this cold Monday morn

It's a new week and I feel totally tired and grumpy. I think I might be getting a cold as I just feel not my self. All the kids have runny noses, grumpy and tired. Lydia is staying home and is snoring on my bed. Harrison is dripping snot everywhere and curled up on the couch watching TV and feeling sluggish. I think we're just all feeling sick and blah.

Jon had to resign from our church as Senior Warden. Some events happened that we couldn't ignore and we just were worried about safety issues. We'll see how things progress in the future but right now, we'll take a break and pray for a rector and change.

It was a very heartbreaking choice because we want to do good community work based in Christianity. It's amazing how a few people can really make things difficult for no reason then they want "power". My feeling is there is not power or need to have control over things especially in a church by groups. We need a leader to follow and guide us (someone who has been trained and gone to school for seminar's as well as someone who is willing). Well, guess what we got just that persons (two in fact) and instead of getting support, they got shunned and dismissed. People left the church with their buds and basically put us into financial ruin.

The worst of this is 85% of the church is based on volunteers. The people who left decided to attack the volunteers by humiliating them in person, behind their backs and on Face book. They went to events held by the church and created discord by making fun of regular people who wanted to do something positive and Christ based. I have never seen anything on this scale in my life. I have seen and heard people treated poorly based on their skin color, ethnicity and backgrounds...but NEVER at a church. I've gone to many different churches over the years...everything from traditional Protestant, Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish Synagogue's, and so on. Some places of worship, I've only gone a few times, others for years and some I've seen change and people leaving as well. But I've never seen people leave and then attack from afar. Maybe these people never were religious and that is why they are so furious. I, honestly, feel this is the problem. There was something truly corrupt in the first place, something they didn't deal with or get past and now, it's come to fruition in the form of bitterness and spite times 1000. I truly pray for these people and hope they get help.

The problem isn't that it's a matter of disagreements. I'm all for arguing and talking about things. The problem is when people do physical attacks...verbal and physically on people. When they exclude people for any event or group and act like it's not their responsibility and the person's excluded are "so sensitive".'s called bullying and they are bullies. I know small towns usually have a bad rap for this...especially people moving into a small town...but on the whole, I'd say there are a lot of wonderful good people.

So, I'm taking some time off to heal and not be a target for attacks. The sad thing is I really thought going to a liberal, progressive church would be free of crap like this. I feel a bit like my heart has been bruised but I also feel like, I know who truly good and loving people are and how they behave. Bad people are always around, however, we need to stand up to these people and say No and remove ourselves from unhealthy situations.

My husband told me about Eleanor Roosevelt and how she stood up to a group called the Daughters of the American Revolution. "When the black singer Marian Anderson was denied the use of Washington's Constitution Hall in 1939 by the Daughters of the American Revolution, Eleanor resigned the group in protest and helped arrange another concert on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial." This is why Jon and I are stepping down and away from our church. It was so upsetting to see all these people want to "move forward" just when the rector was leaving. Oh, really? Where were you 2 years ago? Where were you when people were vilified and called names? Where were you when your own parishioners were smeared with rumors and lies? Where were you when good people were treated like criminals because they wanted to follow Jesus' teachings and the traditions of the Episcopal church? I don't get it. I don't. I can only pray they get some professional help and stop bothering everyone else. 

Anyway, we shall see how things go. I know there are a lot of good people and I need to focus on this. We had lots of good memories and experiences regardless of some small minded people.

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Some of my work in photography and computer art. It helps to remember the days won't always be cold and white with snow. Also, I heard Saturday and Sunday will be full of sunshine. Thank goodness. I hope we start having some warm days and melt this ice. The good thing is no ankle pain and am being extra careful. I have the radio playing and a late 80's Madonna song is on. :)

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Good-bye Simone

My Lydia with Simone
From a few years ago, Lydia holding Simone

Today Simone crossed to the Rainbow Bridge at 11:45 am. I am glad I was here to be with her as she slipped away. She didn't suffer and I was able to pet her till the end. She was such a loving devoted kitty. I'm so glad I had her in my life and that she chose me. I will always remember how she was the last from the litter to move from the line of kittens. All the kittens went in different directions; she came straight to me like a little turtle going to the sea. We've been inseperable since that day. I never had to worry about her wandering off, a low whistle or jingle of my keys and she would be there. For the last few days, I've held her and loved her the best I could. I'm pleased to note she had one of her favorite foods before going on...cheddar cheese and doritos (she would lick those clean and crunch them up in her youth). I still can't believe she is gone. I told her it was all right if she did and I will miss her. I told her if she could, get reborn as a kitten and we'll find each other again. Or just watch us from above.

I'm thankful for my other cats but there is a hole in my heart. Again, I'm so, so glad I was here for her. She's comforted me many times and it's only right for me to do the same. Good-bye, my lovely Gray Lady, my Simone-ia Begonia.

a few years ago

from January 2013

Emotional Day

Simone in the grass

I've been carrying my 22 year cat around in my arms all day...typing out emails, doing chores as she is not improving and might not make it much longer. I am so amazed at the ability to carry on even when all things are breaking down and not functioning. It's sad and beautiful and so strong...the will to live. The ties to earth bind us and yes, it is painful and hard to watch, but knowing that life thread wishes to continue is amazing. It makes me respect life all the more and even when we must go, we go only because that body really is weak. I'm grateful to be here and know she is here. And I hope when she does leave, her life thread is reborn in another being. It just seems to be this connection of love that binds us all. If that makes sense!

Little Simone....

Simone in the sunlight


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