Tuesday, January 31, 2012

kids are still sleeping...and we're gonna be late for school!

I'd better get off of here. I just basically wanted to complain about coughing right now and being sick. I guess it means I'm getting better if I'm coughing up stuff. My left ear is clicking (been clogged for 3 days now). So it must be good, right? Anyway, lots to do today. If you see me about town, say hello. Or if you're miles away, say hello to someone who looks harried and rushed. That is probably someone like me, zipping around and needs to slow down. lol Have a good day!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Saturday, finally.

Got to sleep in, thank you God! The weather isn't as bad was reported to be, either. I may be able to get those dogs out for a walk. The gals are going to a party, Jon is doing some church stuff/chores and Harrison is mellow playing by him self. I feel about 75% better...still coughing and all that blah, blah, blah stuff of being sick. But doing better. :)

I'm sad that my Dad seems to have lost more of his thinking ability and on bad days acts like a child. This is a real blow for all of us...especially, my Mom. I'm hoping, when all is said and done, we can get them to move out here and I can help/we can help each other.

For some reason, I've been getting better at cleaning up after everyone. I guess that means I getting less sick and more active. :) All good things.

Why do small things seem to stress us, me out so much? I honestly think it has to do with feeling physically ill and this does make those mole hills seem like mountains. Thankfully, this is passing too. I need to realize in these down moments, I'm actually creating plans to get stuff done once I'm better.
Hope everyone is having a good Saturday. I need to go and call my Mom and see how she's doing. Have a great weekend. :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

Good Days, bad days, repeat

I talked to my Mom for about 20 minutes before I had to leave and get the kids. My Dad is stable but acts like a 3 year old. It's so hard for everyone. I feel sad about everything. Apparently, the stroke did more damage to his cognitive skills and he's regressing (more than usual). Sometimes, he's all right and acts somewhat normal. Yesterday was a bad day. I'm so sorry that my Mom has to deal with all of this...let alone the nurses. He has gotten into physical fights w/ people...refusing therapy, changing, feeding, medicine, etc, etc. What do you do with this behavior?? You can't sedate him because he'll just sleep all day (which he wants to do anyway), he has no desire to move or get out of there. My Mom is considering taking him home and seeing if that makes a difference. I don't know. I know she can do a certain amount to help him and make him comfortable but his mental state is so up and down, I just hope we can get her some aides to help each day and give her a break.

I'm reminded of when my parents used to take care of some elderly people at their home. One woman, Mary Z., had Alzheimer's and was really hard to deal with. She would wander, get into trouble by talking to strangers (had her apartment robbed twice) and just was the standard person with dementia. I don't think my dad is so bad, but when he's spitting food into people's faces, you have to wonder. It's upsetting and makes me angry that the stroke has taken so much of his control (physically and behaviorally)away.

Oy! Sometimes life just throws this curves at people you love. I hope today was a better day for my Mom and that my brother's and sister help her out more.

Thank God is it Friday and we can relax a bit with no getting up early, driving in the rain, etc, etc. I'm really ready for Spring. :) I think we have to wait for another 2 more months. sigh...and I've got to start planning a trip to California to visit my parents.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

it's melting, it's melting~~




Thank goodness it's melting. Of course, we'll probably get more snow/ice but for now it's dripping. I like/love that sound. :)

I'm a little embarrassed. I was in the line at the market and I had one of those carts that have a car attached for kids. Well, Harrison kicked off a candy price tag thing and I bent down to pick it up. I think I accidentally bumped the person in front. I didn't realize till I saw these meanie looks from the cashier and bagging lady. I felt sort of like, geesh. I didn't mean to do this and instead of making me wonder why they were staring at me in this mean way, they should have said, you bumped her. I would have totally apoligized! When they looked at me like that I didn't put two and two together until she had already walked away. I didn't even realize anything had happened. Honestly, it felt like a accident and shouldn't have deserved a scowl. If anything, the woman should have said you bumped me or excuse me. I felt sort of like I was an ogre monster because she was so tiny and acted like I did a bump/space invasion on purpose. Geesh. It made me feel bad...if I even did anything. I still don't know.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much. Before that Harrison was crying as we went into the store and across the parking lot. Why? Because I left his snow shovel in the car. Sorry. Can't bring that into the market. He pouted the whole time. Oh, well. There has to be some limits.

Anyway, my ear/throat/sinus feels clogged again. I can't believe I'm getting another cold/ear infection. Maybe it's from stress? I'm taking vitamins every day and it's annoying to just be getting better and now this.

Oh, I just realized I probably have to do the newsletter for church. I'll work on it after lunch I think. I feel depressed. I shouldn't. It's probably cabin fever.

Monday, January 23, 2012

at times you want to cry

Been talking to my mom and getting good reports about my dad. He's showing progress with his arm...can squeeze her hand, is making jokes and his spirit seems more like his old self. This is such a change since last week...I'm glad he's coming through this darkness and stabilizing. The doctors have said his clot is even gone...amazing. I just feel so overwhelmed. I can imagine a little of how my family is feeling. I hope they all know how much I love them, even if I vent on here and get annoyed sometimes.

I'm thankful for the kindness of their roommate, the doctors, nurses and aides. It's amazing how things are progressing. He can walk, a little and each day seems to bring new gifts and stretching lessons...sometimes, it's not that easy and it's rough. They are taking each day as it comes. It brings back a lot of memories when I worked as a nurse aid for senior care. Some of it is a little painful and sad...and other times, you see it as a way of bringing something positive to just one person.

In some good kid news, the gals won a basketball game. I forgot to tell my mom. They were like, yeah, we won! lol No biggie. I was like, wow! Jon was happy and my dad-in-law went to the game. I just want a good experience for the kids and they seem to be getting it.

After school today, the gals built snowmen in the yard and Harrison must have shoveled 20 feet of snow (he brings his little shovel everywhere we go, just in case). The poor kid fell asleep right in the middle of dinner. The gals didn't even protest (not too much) to go to bed on time. All in all, it's a good thing. This is probably one of the nicest winters in terms of weather and doing fun things. I feel blessed.

Last Saturday was tough as I had a migraine and Sunday felt taxing. There was some odd thing going on at church but I guess people wanted to share their feelings. It's all good. I just wish people would think of church as a relationship with others and that arguing in service is damaging to little ears. It's like parents forgetting to be parents and just acting out in front of their children, other people's children and only thinking of their own needs. It's not cool or considerate or thoughtful. I'm ashamed to say, my dad would do these things too and disrupt church services because he had to share his POV and have an argument. It made me feel very uncomfortable and ashamed.

I truly believe talking at the right place and time is what makes relationships work. I'm certainly not perfect and have had many failures. lol Believe me. However, catching ones self and changing those patterns, is part of learning from those mistakes. I truly believe seeking out help, whether by books or therapists, is a step in the right direction. I'm praying for everyone at our church.

I guess every group has situations like this. I know my family had a rough patch for many years (16 yrs of not talking to my sister, 5 or so yrs not talking to me, etc) but we've so changed in the last few months. I still can't believe it sometimes. I guess this is why I just want to cry at times...happy tears.

Certainly, there are other family members out there that we're still estranged from. My door is open to them (within reason). They decided to shut me out (literally and figuratively). I can't do anything for them but to wish them the best and carry on with my sweetly dysfunctional family.

Sigh...life is not meant to be perfect, is it? I'm okay with that...as long as there is a little chocolate, a little laughter and a lot of love.

5:05pm = Tired

I should be making something for dinner but I feel tired. I made a bunch of soft pretzals. Maybe we can make scrambled eggs or something. I dont' feel like cooking...maybe take out? :) :)

Anyway, Harrison and I did some intense cleaning in the basement. Okay, I did the cleaning, he did the messing. I have moonsand down there and he loves to play with it and throw it everywhere. I've decided to clean out more of my studio and see what I've got stored in there to use it up or give it away or if it's dried up, toss. I got rid of a large garbage bag so far. I'm pleased. I have a lot of old clothing...stuff that's worn and I think I'll start making rags/stuff to quilt and the rest tossing/donating. I don't think Salvation army or the thrift store takes old clothing to use for quilts. Too bad...mostly old sweatpants for some reason. Don't ask me why.

I'm seeing progress, so that's good. There are several large items I need to get rid of (this old metal shelf that Jon got from his sister's...it's rusty! and a bunch of broken electronics). Now that I know the one recycling takes everything, I'll start gathering stuff up. I always dread adding to landfills so, it's great to recycle.

I would like to have a yard sale...supposed to be a big indoor one in February at the Jaffa. I don't know if I want to do that...I can imagine coming home with a lot more too. hahaha It's nice to clear things out.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

ready for take off

ready for take off by Emilyannamarie
ready for take off, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

he likes to imagine he is taking off in a rocket. He says the count down and then blasts off. Every other time, he says, it needs batteries. lol!

getting over the flu

getting over the flu by Emilyannamarie
getting over the flu, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

we're much better now and this was at the tail end. The littlest of our clan was still sick for a bit. I think I love this photo as it shows our ever faithful, Miss Penny dog, by our side.

heart

heart by Emilyannamarie
heart, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

glow sticks

glow sticks by Emilyannamarie
glow sticks, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

today is better

I feel whiny and annoyed but NO HEADACHE! :) I feel like I wasted so many hours not feeling good yesterday, but what can you do w/ a headache/earache combo? Today is much, much better. :)

I hope this coming week is calm and stable for everyone. I think all this snow is being stuck inside from the cold, is making nerves short and cabin fever flair. Part of life, I guess.

Annoyingly, we didn't make it to the art reception. I knew I wasn't going to be 100% to do anything. Plus, having a kid vomit from her loft bed...not pretty or easy to clean. bleh~~

Good news: My Dad is moved to a rehabilitation center for 3 weeks. Praying he responds well to the therapies and he gets into a good spirit. He is not one to smile willingly (unless to make fun of people, etc). Now, it's part of his daily exercise...just to smile. Ironic...

Anywho, have a great rest of the weekend.

heart

heart by Emilyannamarie
heart, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

glow sticks

glow sticks by Emilyannamarie
glow sticks, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

year of the dragon 2012

playdoh dragon by Emilyannamarie
playdoh dragon, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

mareep ville

mareep ville by Emilyannamarie
mareep ville, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

sneeze in the snow

sneeze in the snow by Emilyannamarie
sneeze in the snow, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

me and him

me and him by Emilyannamarie
me and him, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

snow day

We had a great snow day w/ the kids. They really had a lot of fun with each other. Yes, there are tons of pics. I wish I had felt better when their friend came over to take more pics but I've had a headache since yesterday. I think it's from the additional dust/smoke smell when Jon was trying to fix the furnace. It's also from being outside int the cold...earache. Very annoying. I need to add water to the humidifier as my nose is getting chapped/dry and bloody. not fun.

I got to take a nice nap for 2.5 hours. My eyes are sort of blurry at the moment, so it's hard to type. I feel like I got a gift to talk to my mom and earlier to my sis. So, all feels good and comfortable in this respect. It's funny how having a good conversation with people you love, really feels like a satisfying meal. I don't know why that is, but it's true.

I don't know about tomorrow. We were planning to go to an art reception in Bedford but with all this snow and feeling not 100%, I need the extra time to relax and putter. There is so much we do on Sundays, church and then family time w/ a big family meal. We shall see.

I feel happy right now. I also saw "The Last Unicorn". I love that movie and it was so nice to watch the animation as well as the story.

I just nasal flushed and hopefully, this will make sinus issues better. I just wish my ear didn't hurt so much. I know this sounds strange but when I was outside it felt like the wind left a ice piece in the back of my head and it really hurt.

The one thing I'm really glad about is I finished the kids mareep project. I made 3 of them and the kids were happy to get them, I hope. It was very difficult as I wasn't sure about the pattern/and I got the shape a little confused. But all in all, I got it done. I'll have pics up soon. I think I'll try and make some other sweet pokemon fans I know, something pokemon for them too. It's so neat how something like pokemon can reach so many different kids and age groups. I just think that is awesome.

Right now my kids are watching a Huckleberry Finn animation. It's by a Japanese company and they started off with Tom Sawyer. Now, I have to find a copy of the Emily of New Moon and Anne of Green Gables series. That would be awesome!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Every weekend is a new excitement

Right now, it's getting cold in the house. No, I'm not keeping the furance off in an attempt to keep costs down. The pilot went out, apparently and now, we need a new thermocouple (had to look that one up to spell it). So, we are cold and shivery. Why is it something happens every weekend? Last weekend, the pipes froze and we were terribly sick. The previous weekends, we were stressed out from my dad/family issue. I feel like every time we get calm/stable or something good happens, something else happens to knock you down or shake the world up. I guess that's normal/life stuff.

I'm so annoyed about the pilot not working I don't even want to write about it on facebook because I feel like our life sounds melodramatic. I've gotta go put on some thick socks becaues my feet are getting cold...no, we are not Little House on the Prarie cold, thank goodness for that. I hope what the weather people say is wrong and if we do get snow, it's only 2" instead of possibly 7".

I'm also annoyed I missed my mom's phone call. I wanted to chat see how things are going w/ dad. Now, I have to do phone tag. Another annoyance.

Well, I hope all of this is resolved, our house will be safe w/ a new thermocouple and we will be warm again in a few hours. Wish us luck and stay warm/safe your self.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

lightly snowing

It's snowing a little heavier right now, actually. We went for a 5 minute walk but it was way too cold and I started to feel like it was biting my face. So, inside we went. The dogs were good and did their doggy duty outside in the yard.

I got a huge amount of fabric from a church friend. And of course, my sewing machine is broken...grrr. I'm going to try and match what looks best. I hoping this one stripped piece will look good with this rose brocade I have. I'm going to fix up my dining room chairs with some of the green, I think. It's all really nice stuff and I hope I can do a good job using it.

I haven't been outside in a while what with being sick and all. It was nice but reminded me that it is January after all!

Yesterday, I bathed the dogs. They mostly smelled and weren't too dirty. However, it was exhausting and felt like a workout for me. Glad I did that because they look a lot better.

I finally went to pinterest.com and it's like a big bulletin board. It's interesting but I can see how you might be stuck on there for a long time.

I'm having Norrie read the Little House series books. She always picks Pokemon type books and I thought this would be a little more mellowing. It's nice it's in the winter so, she can relate. Lydia will probably read it afterwards. She has no problem with reading something new.

If I can squeeze out some time today, I want to do some illustrating and start writing a new book. I thought up a cute story this morning w/ the kids. Nothing spectacular and I just thought it would be fun to try and put together. I have other stories I should/need to work on but sometimes it's nice to start fresh.

I should start some coffee and secure the back screen door. It's so beat up from the weather, I don't know if it's going to last till spring. This wind is getting really fierce. Okay, I read a little of the Little House in the Big Woods last night too. I love how there are stories of their grandpa. They call them, Grandpa stories. The funny thing is Grandpa has older brothers, George and James. They usually write, George, James and Grandpa...lol So funny!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Posting by email

BEGIN:VCARD
VERSION:2.1
N:Gottshall;Emily & Jon
FN:Emily & Jon Gottshall
ORG:EDGE Gallery
ADR;WORK:;;;Altoona;PA;16601;USA
LABEL;WORK;ENCODING=QUOTED-PRINTABLE:Altoona, PA 16601=0D=0AUSA
URL;WORK:http://www.edgegal.com
EMAIL;PREF;INTERNET:emilyandjon@atlanticbb.net
REV:20120117T213152Z
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I had to try this out. :) If this works, wow. I feel so high tech...well, at least if I get one of those iphones or what have you, I can write emails to my blog. neat.
 
Anyway, I'm sending this off to see if it works. Now, I can copy/paste all sorts of fun stuff directly into my blogs...hopefully.
 
Emily 

Monday, January 16, 2012

changes...

I finally got most of the bugs out of updating my blog here. Phew! I wanted a pretty background but it took forever to figure out what I was doing as the computer was acting up and being slow and I'm not 100% and lost my patience a few times. lol

I also wanted a pretty banner and found this magical one at pastoraldreams. I LOVE IT! I need to add my blog name,but otherwise, it's so romantic and wonderful. Totally appeals to my fairytale self.

I'm so glad my background works, finally. I need to do something else but I forgot what it was. Oh, well! lol

puggle

puggle by Emilyannamarie
puggle, a photo by Emilyannamarie on Flickr.

Today is one of those days where I looked at the date and thought, how'd it get to be January 16th?? When you are sick and have sick family members everything is a blur. My Mom's birthday is in 2 days and I haven't even sent a card! I'll be mailing out one tomorrow, Mom! How annoying to be so forgetful.

Jon is still recovering, poor guy. I think he needs to drink a lot more water and flush his system out. That's what I do and I think it's helping. Harrison has a bad 3 days...but is much better. Thank goodness you eventually get to the point where your stomach becomes accustomed to these things and you just get stuff cleaned up fast. phew!
Norrie is still sleeping at 9:30am and didn't want to budge. Thankfully, we have today off for Martin Luther King day. We always seem to be sick around this time of the year.

I hope by tomorrow most of this will clear up and we'll be able to carry on. Our water bill is going to be huge this month!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

resting and thinking

I have a lot to be thankful for. Even though this week has been so tough and up and down emotionally, there is a lot to be thankful and grateful for. I'm grateful for time to be with my kids and husband. So we can heal together and get better from this flu. I'm grateful my Dad is in good hands. I'm grateful for my brothers and sister and Mom. I'm grateful for my mom and dad-in-law to help us when we're feeling yucky. And I'm grateful these flu's aren't too long...just 2-4 days, it seems...in clearing up. I hope nobody else gets this as it was pretty intense. Harrison is doing better too.

I found out on Friday that I won the local art news rack! I was so happy and excited. This was cut short by the stomach flu. But I'm still happy. :)

Jon thought our house was going to be plagued by locusts because our water pipes froze, but I was like, we've been through this before, we'll get past it. Plus, I've heard of worse stories then ours...burst pipes and fires. scary! It is so nice to have running water.

I'm feeling kind of good...had some vanilla/honey chamomile tea w/ 2 pieces of sour dough toast. I love sour dough bread. I need to buy more as I ate the last two pieces. It felt like a treat, just for me. :)

Well, good night. The last I heard my dad is stable, he's a little depressed (as in why is this happening to me?)but good. They are going to try and change this. I hope it works. Either way, I'm relieved he's in a good place.

Each day is better

Even with all the fear/confusion and trying to push back the clouds of darkness, there is hope. Each day my dad has been in the hospital, he is getting better. Sometimes there are harder spots, as with dementia, there is also a lot of progress. I feel optimistic and hopeful. And very relieved that there are many people taking care of him and addressing his needs. It's a huge blessing.

My Mom is doing much better in that she can breath that he isn't on DNR (Do not resusistate, a mistake that the hospice included this) and is getting taken care of. It's been rough but so worth getting him in there/treated.

Also, we are finally getting over this horrible flu. It has been awful. Nearly as bad a feeling as the flu I had about 4 yrs ago and made me bed bound for a few days. I honestly think we are in better shape, muscle wise and that is why it didn't hit us harder. I feel like my muscles have been through a ringer, let alone the rest of me. Harrison is the last to get it. He threw up twice and lots of diarhea, poor baby. My in-laws have been dropping off pedialyte and crackers. Thank goodness or we'd be worse, I think.

Then, this morning our pipes all froze! I still can't believe this happened as I was up at 3:30am and didn't notice anything. I was thinking of doing some laundry but was too weak from the stuff earlier to do anything but eat a banana and yogurt.

But that is past us now as we have the water back, laundry is getting washed, we've all been bathed and are napping or doing chores or watching movies. Believe me, the coal bin door with the pipes to the outside is WIDE open. lol

I'm actually thinking of food, hot and sour soup sounds pretty darn good. Harrison fell asleep in my arms, poor baby. It made up for him barfing on me. :)

Even with all this yucky stuff happening, I love my family even more; isn't that funny how that works? And I feel the same for my family in California. They are doing a great job and we're working as a team. :) TEAM DIMOV! :)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Dust of Snow

by Robert Frost (1923)


The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.

a bit better

Things are picking up a little w/my dad. Two prayers are answered. Very glad about this. Besides being treated for everything and my mom making the decsions, things will improve much more. I know it doesn't mean a cure or what have you but he's not in such horrible pain as before and I'm so grateful for this.

I have to call my sis/brothers and mom and see what's happening. We're recovering from the flu/colds. I guess all this basketball is making us exposed to new germs, again. :( Part of life. Just means more sanitizer/hand washing to do.

I feel tired and tomorrow looks to be a busy day...kids are home from school and we're all sick. I think we'll be doing a lot of crafts and movie watching. Maybe a short walk if the weather isn't too awful.

I'm just glad I don't feel too sick. Plus, I found a stack of Gooseberry patch, "Country Friends Collection" that I'll pour over. They have/had a really cool collection of Gooseberry Patch at Sam's Club. I totally want to get them. :)

I didn't do any artwork today as I felt yucky. I just found stuff to make later, so that's good. I was very emotional today...I guess with all the stress it finally caught up with me. It was good to stare out a window and just feel sad. Sometimes, it feels good to just be down/teary and having a sympathic puggle staring at you at your ankles (cats do this nicely as well).

I just wish I had felt like doing some artwork. For some reason, it just seemed so hard to even think of holding a pencil to paper, let alone cutting stuff out of paper or painting. Strange feeling.

Well, I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow is another day. I'm hoping things will be more optimistic and I'll be able to report some good things. Praying all is well. Have a good evening and a great Friday.

I feel sick...possible flu feelings

Last night or really about 2am, apparently, my second kid threw up. Jon didn't tell me and let me sleep. When I got up later, there was a horrible smell in the hallway and I thought the cats had an accident. They didn't. My poor kid was in total filth. It was difficult as she is in a loft bed and we had to get her down, in the shower, etc. Basically, we did all that and I was overwhelmed by the smell and started to feel really awful. Thank goodness for 409 lemon spray, comet and Lysol wipes!

All this emotional stuff w/my dad (I was thinking about my mom and dad when I got up) got to me and I started to freak out. I'm better now but it feels like I have the beginnings of the flu too. great. I'm hoping it just goes away and it's mostly being tired and overwhelmed. We shall see.

Jon was a trooper and helped me w/all the clean up and let me get a hold of my self. Honestly, I should be feeling better and as things are getting taken care of and everything.

My mom is finally going to be taking control of my dad and his health. The doctors have to report to her and she'll get all the info. w/out having to worry about anything being hidden from her (my dad is the classic male macho attitude. It's not healthy and believe me, it only ends up hurting people by being stoic. Don't do this).

I feel so tired right now. I wish I didn't feel so upset tummy wise as it's nice to have the kids here and baby them. Everything seems to make me upset emotionally or make me feel yucky tummy wise. Sorry for the complaints.

I feel really good that my mom is going to be in control of things and we can mesh a plan out w/ the doctors and hopefully, make my dad more comfortable and live a little longer w/out the tremendous pain he has been in lately. I feel like we haven't even attempted to try anything yet, and am grateful we can finally do this. Prayers are being answered and optimistic thoughts are working!

The status of my dad from Sunday, where he thought he was dying to yesterday is 75% better...he is talking like a person who wants to live now, too. :) Pain medication is a good thing. :) Letting people who know about medicine do their job, is a good thing. :) I'm hoping all is stable when I call again. We shall see.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My Favorite Things - Julie Andrews - Sound of Music.flv

Still praying...

and waiting. It's all a waiting game, it seems. Why does life seem to be just about this? Waiting, waiting, waiting? It's enough to drive you mad. I didn't go for a walk and it shows. I'm stressing out.

Plus, I'm annoyed at my brother. Instead of going to the hospital w/ my mom, he drops her off and goes home to bed. He had absolutely no concern about what's happening w/ our dad, to see if he could help my mom or even just regular curiosity. He could have parked, found out what happened and come home to bed. What the heck?? He didn't even let our mom borrow his cell phone so she could call him back. I don't get this behavior.

My other brother would have stayed the whole time and bent over backwards to help. Sometimes, I just don't get why some people are so apathetic about things. And this is the older of my two brothers that is being self absorbed.

************DEEP Breath*************

So, I'm waitig here, wondering if my mom is OK, if dad is stable, if things are progressing in a good direction, etc, etc. The only good thing is I did make chili, baked a bunch of potatoes, took a 20 min nap and did chores. I did break the outside light by trying to find out where the heck were the batteries and only found wires. Let me just say standing on a kitchen stool in 35 degrees w/ a toddler running around and two dogs is NOT fun. Also, I dropped the screw driver twice and was grateful for a curious 3 yr old who understands to hand back tools.

I didn't do any art today. Soup is an art, don't you think? I'm enjoying doing collaged type work lately. I did some abstract paintings and I like them and all but they sort of looked plain to me...and probably would look good in a high end hotel. However, I needed bigger canvas and thought what the heck. I'm changing them. My theme or series is about childhood and memories of childhood. The first one I entered at a local exhibit in Bedford. It's called Rainy Day. I took a pic and once I upload it, I'll share. It's fun and has a whimsical feel. My second one isn't finished yet but is coming along nicely. It will be called "Summer nights". I feel happier and warmer when I think about this piece. It is collaged as well.

I really love bringing objects and found materials to my work...so, this new style is really clicking with me. Plus, I also love "I Spy" books and there is a bit of this in there. I'm already thinking of a 3rd piece...it will have a Halloween feel. :)

It's annoying right now as even when I feel happy, I feel like crying. I hate feeling this emotional and set out to sea feeling. Thank goodness for soup, kid laughter, stinky dogs and cats and the potential of tomorrows.

I hope I hear something from my mom soon. Most likely, I'll have to wait until this evening. this stinks...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Dad had another stroke...

Thankfully, my mom got my brother to take him to the hospital. We are all waiting on hearing what happens next and what their assessment will be. I hope it's keep him stable and then see if they can do anything to relieve the blood clot. I feel better that he's in the hospital, at least, and I feel that we/they are doing all they can. So, this is an answer to part of my prayer.

I just wish I didn't feel like this is it. That's the scary part. It doesn't help that I've got a stinkin over active imagination and keep thinking I see my dad's spirit saying thank you and shaking his head at my messy house. lol

Praying all will be well and stable. Thank you for positive thoughts/prayers.

Monday, January 09, 2012

Praying

That's all I can do right now. If you could send positive thoughts, prayers, good vibes to my dad, I'd appreciate it. About 3 months ago, my dad fell down and suffered trauma to the brain, broke his nose, practically burst his kidneys while trying to cross the street. I'm so upset and angry right now. I feel like crying. And I'm sad he's not in a good mental state right now. Honestly, I think the brain issues have caused him to think even more incoherently than before. But none of the doctors feel he's incompetent because he knows where he is, knows his address and can sign his name. Well, I talked to my mom today and he can't even hold a fork! What the hell? I don't know if anything can be done about the cancer but if they can relieve some of the brain issues and help him this way, it would be good. The nurse is supposed to come and check out my dad. I hope she gets him to the hospital. I think some stubbornness is a good thing (usually this is called perseverance) but when it's so obviously hurtful/painful to people, it's totally not.

It's so strange because yesterday I was telling my sis-in-law about things and kept getting emotional about my dad. I must have suspected something. I just want him to get treatment and feel better. I don't want him to die...not for some time.

I'm trying not to get depressed about all of this but it's hard not to feel down. I need to do some artwork, journal and hug my kids. I honestly feel that having kids/family/friends/church helps so much. It gives one comfort and that is a good thing.

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Sweet Saturday Salutations

It's been a mild day for a mild Saturday. I had all these expectations, and ended up doing not much of anything. I did do some sewing, found a basic pattern on the Internet to make some stuffies. :) It's for my kids and their friend...a late Christmas gift. Oddly, each one is going to be a little different and I'm using a pattern. I couldn't figure how to connect the legs to the body but at least they are attached. lol

I was feeling sort of up and all right...but I'm a little sad/deflated that there are some people out there that think I would do something spiteful. It just made me feel sort of like crying, really. And I don't cry often, let me just say. I guess I should think of it as people viewing me like "Amelie" but I don't. it just makes me feel sad and hurt.

Maybe it feels worse because it's January and sort of a boring time of the year. Either way, I'll just ignore it and try to not let it bug me. It does paint people in a whole different light, I have to say.

Anyway, it's 9pm. The kids are settling down for their bedtime and Jon is tucking them in. I need to do a few chores. I feel sort of annoyed too as my foot hurts (I think there might be a splinter in there). I did some short story reading tonight and feel sort of emotionally drained from all of that. Joyce Carol Oates really can punch you in the face with tension. I need to read something light and humorous, I think.

Friday, January 06, 2012

Cute mouse thimble. Isn't this cute mom?

Interesting food .

Sweetest Santa elves and a movie too!

My mom and I were talking about the above things...and I'm posting to share with her and anyone else who's interested. :)

Oh and here's the Barbie poem By Sandra Cisneros I was telling you about too, Mom. :)

I'm so glad I found that poem...I couldn't remember the author and was searching. Looked through 3 anthologies when Cisneros floated into my head. So glad to remember...and find my old anthologies. Looks like I have some reading to do...excellent.

Monday, January 02, 2012

snow, slowly falling

wind swirling and swirling. It makes my bones ache. It makes me want to sleep.

I did some painting just now and feel better. Why is it that snow, cold and darkness seem like something I have to fight with?

I picked up the things and put away this and that. Organized some work and all of this helped to make me feel more in control and not so scattered. Jon made dinner and this helped too.

So much seems to be up in the air. I hate that feeling...especially when it comes to people's health. Thinking of my dad...

Honestly, I really hate that the Rose parade was on Jan 2 and not on Jan 1 because it's Sunday. It's so annoying and threw me off mentally. I'm glad next year will be back to normal. I guess every 7 yrs or so, we'll have to expect this change.

Why is it that some people can sound "all Knowing" about stuff they know nothing about? It's so annoying. I just want to say, honey, just because you act all sarcastic/know it all, doesn't mean you are right. But what I usually do is feel like I smelled a fart.
(I can't believe I wrote fart...and I'm not going to edit it).

I've also learned that it takes more time to make Almond roco and not to do it when distracted or feeling like a hibernating bear. You'll just burn the almonds, believe me.

I took a nap but it made me feel even more grumpy. I had a complex and annoying dream about age and poverty. Basically, it ended well except for some windows falling out of a 3rd floor building with my art attached to it. I caught them and a person caught me...so, we were both saved.

Anyway, the kids just finished painting and I wasn't too supportive. I just felt annoyed. I did finish 2 more pieces and I'm pleased with them.

Why do I feel so damned rushed? I'm trying to slow my self down and let me embrace doing my work but I feel like I have a timer stuck to my back. Is that normal?? sorry for being a complainer and swearing.

well, gotta let the doggies out. Maybe I'll get a flashlight and go for a walk. I hate all this darkness. Also, why are people pulling down all their Christmas lights on Jan 1? What a bummer. Don't they realize that this darkness needs light? Most likely everyone is thinking of their electric bill. sigh~~ I know I am.

Maybe I should do a swap for Valentine's day...I don't know.

Rose Parade

:) It's fun to have on...but everyone has sort of left the room and doing other stuff (like me on here...ahem). It's sort of a nice sort of gentle tradition to watch. I'm sure people who have worked on the floats, find this annoying. lol Sorry!

It's snowy, really windy and cold right now. But there is the sun peaking out. I just want to curl back up and take a nap.

Tomorrow, the kids go back to school, Jon goes back to work, and I have have projects to finish. I feel exhausted thinking about it. Harrison is going to be so sad without the older kids. I'll make extra time to play with him and do some activities.

I tried making Almond Roca but burnt the almonds. They really get hot on a pan fast. It still tastes good.

I need to do some chores but a nap is calling my name. I think the temp dropped more and this is why I'm feeling like a reptile.

My dad seems sort of stable but still limping along. I'm praying he'll see reason and want to feel better by going to a regular doctor. One can hope.

Otherwise, New Year's was very nice. The weather was actually rainy and not 15 degrees. Today is a different story. Hopefully, not too much snow.

I started sketching on New Year's eve...to get me into a good frame of mind to get things finished I started over 4 yrs ago and to encourage me in this direction. Plus, I have to share all the Christmas artwork I did for everyone. I still have about 5 pieces to finish.

Well, enough writing...time to nap, get my energy up and do some house stuff. :) I love New Year's...so many possibilities and new adventures. I hope everyone has a great, blessed, healthy and loving new year.

Sociable

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